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I’ve never been one for feeling sorry for people. I mean, my heart will go out to people, I’ll be sad for them, hurt, feel angry, upset, lost. But I never, ever think of them as a victim. They may have endured some terrible things, had some awful things happen to them, but that does not mean that they’re a VICTIM.
They’re just someone that bad s**t happened to.
It doesn’t mean they’re weak or helpless or not good enough, it just means that some bad s**t happened to them.
It doesn’t mean ANYTHING except that they may need a little support & a little reminding of just who they are and what they’re capable of. It certainly doesn’t mean that they’re a VICTIM.
I get really upset when I see people treating others as victims: “oh you poor thing, they did terrible things to you, let me help you!”
No. NO. Absolutely NOT. “Oh man, that was terrible. How can I support you?” has a completely different feel. One comes from the space of the person is a poor, helpless, VICTIM and the other one comes from a space of they’ve got this handled for the most part, let’s give them a bit of a hand in dealing with it, let them know they’re loved and that whatever happened in no way reflects on who they are at the core of themselves.
I am very, very suspicious of people who run around in life, looking for people to help, supporting the downtrodden & the underdogs, because I suspect that a lot of them get a real kick out of ‘helping’ those ‘victims’. They somehow feel morally righteous because they do all this ‘good’ work and help out those who are weaker than they are.
That’s a gross generalisation, I know that, and I also know there are a lot of people who do a lot of good in that arena, but I suggest that THEY’RE the ones who don’t so much see victims as people who’ve had a run of bad luck.
If we treat someone as a helpless victim, we are telling them that they’re unable to look after themselves and that they need someone more powerful & able to look after them & sort their lives out.
If we treat someone as a human being who’s had some rotten things happen to them, the basic assumption there is that they’re powerful in their own right and they just need some support to remember that fact. It’s completely different.
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Hi! I’m Karen O’Connor, hormonally-challenged, peri-menopausal writer, blogger, self-confessed sarcasm enthusiast, mother of 4, wife of 30 years, destroyer of souls... no, wait, that's just in the mornings...
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