We all are, connected to our higher selves. You can call it intuition, inner knowing, the universe or god, whatever works. It’s that flow of energy that is found in everything. It’s always there; when we’re in that flow, we know that we are safe and you can do anything at all and it will go as it’s meant to and it will work out perfectly, even if the outcome isn’t quite what we’d expected.
There are no mistakes when we’re in the flow, we can’t do anything wrong.
It’s kind of like being in that make believe world we had as children where we could do anything we set our minds to and nothing could ever go wrong and we were always in control and everything always worked out perfectly even when it didn’t go as we planned.
That’s what being in the flow is like.
We’re meant to live like that; we’re meant to live as powerful beings, but our minds get in the way. Our minds tell us that we’re not connected to everyone else, we’re separate, and other people are dangerous.
Our minds tell us that mistakes are wrong and bad and we need to avoid making them or other people will think we’re really stupid.
Our minds tell us that we have to be better than other people in order to succeed.
We live our lives from a space of what the mind tells us
So, we miss what our higher self is trying to tell us; we miss those intuitive nudges that move us in the direction we’re meant to go in even when it seems to be heading in a different way to the one we thought we ought to go. We miss the little synchronicities that are meant to be the road markers for the path that our higher self is trying to guide us along
Because we can bet our bottom dollar that the path our higher self will take us on will be the quickest and most beneficial one for us, in more ways than we can possibly imagine!
Instead, we get little nudges to ‘take the next left turn’ for example, or to call someone we haven’t seen in ages and before we know it, something completely unexpected has happened. It’s like hitting a ladder square in snakes and ladders: we bypass three rows of squares and get catapulted forwards.
Now, can you remember how you feel when that happens in snakes and ladders, when you’re way behind everyone else then you land on a ladder square and all of a sudden, you’re in first place, way AHEAD of everyone else?
You feel amazing: light, happy, gleeful, joyous.
That’s how we’re meant to feel. We’re MEANT to feel happy, joyful, excited, safe, loved ALL THE TIME.
We’re meant to live our lives IN THAT FLOW of energy.
But to do that, we have to quieten the mind down to the point where we can hear those intuitive nudges.
That’s not always easy: the mind can be quite vocal about being heard, to say the least.
Doing something physically strenuous will usually get our mind to calm down and shut up. Yoga & meditation do the same for some, journaling does it for others. Find a practise that you follow daily to help calm your mind to the point where you can at least HEAR the nudges from your intuition.
And then, FOLLOW those nudges! Now you can hear them, FOLLOW THEM! Don’t ignore them!
When we get one of those nudges, it’s like landing on the ladder square: take advantage of it... we may end up somewhere completely unexpected and much better than where we’d originally planned!
Here’s a big tip for you: if you want to work out what’s going on for you, write it down.
You can think and mull it over, analyse it and cogitate about it to your hearts’ content. We’ve done that, we all do that, most of us spend a large portion of our lives doing that. We try to work it out, we try to see what’s underneath, we think and think and think…
And we end up going round and round in circles, getting nowhere.
You know the feeling, right? You think about something, you mull it over, you stew over it a little and you just keep coming back to the same thing, time after time after time. You can’t come to a different conclusion, you can’t see someone else’s viewpoint, you can’t move beyond stuff.
Thinking about it won’t give you the answer.
Imagine it this way (warning: Karen analogy coming up!): our minds are like a huge room. Over time, we’ve put boxes of things into that room, boxes of thoughts, beliefs, ideas, prejudices, experiences, everything that’s ever happened, everything that we’ve ever thought is contained in this room. Now, you can imagine that over time, the room is going to get pretty full of things, right? In fact, by the time we’re in our 40’s & 50’s, unless we’ve done some pretty harsh cleaning out, that room looks like a hoarders’ den; it’s filled from floor to ceiling with junk that we’ve never cleared out or gotten rid of.
When we try to work something out in that kind of mess, we’re in trouble. There’s so much stuff in there that the only place there is to move is this tiny little path that threads between all these boxes. There’s no freedom of movement, we can’t move around, we can only go along this same little narrow path because almost the entire place is full of stuff.
Can you picture that? Can you see how this might happen?
So, before we can see anything clearly, before we can think in a different way, before we can start to look deeper at things or think things through, we have to get rid of some of that junk. We have to clear out some of that stuff that’s in our minds.
We have to declutter our minds.
Because until we do, we’re not going to be able to think about things differently, whether that’s about money or relationships or a business or career, nothing, until we can take a different path to the one we’ve been treading for so long, the one that wends its way through all that junk that our minds are stuffed with right now.
The way to declutter our mind is to get all that junk OUT of our minds and down onto paper.
We need to journal.
Now, I’ve got to say, I was never the worlds’ biggest fan of journaling. One of my coaches bought me a journal many years ago and I sat there with a pen, feeling rather stupid and not one single thing came out for me to write down. Not one. I gave up. It wasn’t until about 10 years later when, on a whim, I bought a book on journaling and then the penny dropped.
It’s all about questions, asking yourself questions. When I ask myself the right questions, a whole deluge of stuff comes out! When I first started journaling and I was trying to get my life back on track less than two years ago, I spent three weeks just writing…
Actually, I gave up on the writing pretty early on because there was just too much to say; I typed it all instead. I wrote close on 50,000 words in that time and I wasn’t a quick typist. I got all this junk out of my head and suddenly, everything looked completely different; I had the room to think about things in a new way.
Now, I’ll spend a few minutes journaling at least morning & night and sometimes during the day, too, particularly if I’m having trouble sleeping or I feel restless, I just start writing until I’m clear.
So, if someone (like me!) puts up a question up at the end of a post or in a quote or graphic, write the question down in a journal (it doesn’t have to be anything special; a normal notepad will do fine) and write down the answers. Don’t judge yourself, don’t judge what you’re writing, just write and keep writing. See what comes out.
Have you noticed that wishing for something doesn’t mean you get it? Or that no matter how many affirmations you do, you still don’t get what you want? Or how dreaming about winning the lottery or coming into an unexpected & huge amount of money doesn’t make it happen? And have you ever wondered why?
It’s really simple: you’re not an energetic or vibrational match for what it is you’re wishing for.
That might sound really woo-woo to you but if you can grasp this concept, you’ll understand what it is you need to do to get everything you want. This is quite possibly the most important thing you can do in your life.
I was watching a TV program called “Escape to the Continent” last week about English couples wanting to move to mainland Europe. The TV show asks them what kind of place they want and where and they go and help them find it. This particular couple wanted somewhere in France and a joke was made about how their ultimate dream was to own a French Chateau; wouldn’t that be just amazing?
They were an average income, run-of-the-mill couple from northern England, who’d worked hard and saved up all their lives, they wanted a place with spare rooms or villas that they could maybe rent out in the holiday season and earn a bit of an income from them.
As they’d requested, dreamed of, wished for, one of the places they were taken to look at as a potential purchase was…
A beautiful chateau that had been turned into a 6-bed B&B that gave a nice little income.
What do you think their reaction was?
The husband loved it, the wife was horrified. She could hardly stand to walk around the place because there was the possibility that she might own it. She might dream of it, but when faced with the physical reality of that possibility, it just wasn’t for her. At all. She couldn’t wait to get out of the place.
She wasn’t a vibrational/energetic match for that kind of display of wealth.
Someone I know had built her business to the point where she could afford to fly first class. It had been her dream for years, being able to afford to fly first class meant all sorts of things to her: she’d made it, her money troubles were over, she was successful, whatever else.
She hated every minute of being in first class. She couldn’t settle, she couldn’t sleep, she felt like she was being a nuisance, she felt like she didn’t belong there.
Despite all the dreams & visualising, she simply wasn’t a vibrational/energetic match for being in first class.
What you can receive, what you can have, doesn’t change instantly just because you want it to. I mean, it probably can, but it’s highly unlikely; it’s something we have to work our way up to. It’s like going to the gym; it’s very difficult at first and slowly, we work our way up to a point where we can’t imagine being as unfit as we were when we started. That’s how this works. Just because you can’t do bicep curls with 10kgs on your first day at the gym, doesn’t mean you’re never going to be able to do bicep curls with 10kgs. It’s about practise.
And so is getting wealthy.
The step between living in a semi-detached house in northern England and a chateau in France was too big.
The step being flying economy (coach) and the luxury of first class was too big.
It’s about training and increments. It’s about practise and learning how to do things differently. If you went to the gym and tried to do bicep curls with 10kg weights on your first day, you’d probably strain something, and even if you didn’t, you’d be too sore to lift anything for a good few days, right?
It’s the same with getting the things we want in our lives. I’m talking specifically about money here, but it applies to everything else. It’s the reason why most lottery winners either go broke or they can’t cope with the wealth and their lives break down: they’ve gone in the gym and done 10kg bicep curls on the first day and they can’t cope with it.
Wow, that was a good analogy! Sometimes, I impress myself!
But if you work at it, regularly and diligently, as you would if you were going to the gym, pretty soon, you WILL become a vibrational match, and the things you want WILL come into your life.
And it might not all come at once in every area of your life. I have absolutely no problems walking into a Maserati showroom and checking everything out. I have no problems saying to the sales person, “Don’t bother telling me about the lower prices, I just want top of the range. If I’m going to get a Maserati, I’m going to get the top one.”
I actually did this when my Dad was over a couple of months ago. Our local shopping centre had a Maserati display and my Dad – who’s a motorbike enthusiast – was wow-ing at the cars. I’m not impressed by cars or bikes, so they hold no intimidation for me; I’m just not interested in them. Mainly so Dad could get to look at the cars, I wandered over and started chatting to the sales person about the cars and getting them to show them to me. My Dad didn’t really come along with me, he hung back and checked out everything from a distance: he was intimidated, and they weren’t a vibrational match.
Now, while I can test try very expensive cars with no compunction, I get quite confronted when I go into the likes of Louis Vuitton or Gucci. I’m not a vibrational match with them yet.
I can actually feel that one coming closer, though. It’s an interesting thing to observe, watching your vibration change from where it was to where you want it to be. I can also feel it changing with regards to income. I’ve said before that one of the things that I’ve struggled with is creating income myself. I can get other people to create massive income – John, friends, clients – but creating it myself is an entirely different matter. But I can feel it shifting, I’ve let go of some beliefs (I can’t, I’m not good enough, rich people are not nice, asking for money is somehow rude) and they’re being replaced with “I allow myself to receive” and “I experience abundance for myself, in my own right”. I can feel that change happening.
99% of getting wealthy and staying wealthy – financial independence – is all in the mind. It’s mindset work. It’s not the practical, day-to-day money management stuff, it’s all about how you think and changing that vibrational energy. It’s about working at it constantly, daily, building up that muscle until you’re comfortable with what you want and you’re a vibrational/energetic match for it.
Otherwise, you might get what you ask for and be so confronted/scared by it that you run in the opposite direction; the woman who’d talked about owning the chateau decided not to move to France at all. That would be so sad.
Just keep working at it, daily. And notice the differences. What differences can you feel in what you’re vibrationally aligned to? Has this article lit any lightbulbs for you? Has it given you an A-HA moment? I’d love to hear.
You can choose one overall theme that you will experience this week. Just one. One overriding theme that will define your week and that you'll use to describe this week when you look back on it. This is totally true. This is what actually happens, it's just that we don't take the time to CONSCIOUSLY define it, we just kind of mosey along with what's "always" happened and we allow our subconscious to choose for us. But if you want your life to go in a different direction, if you want something different to what you have now, it's time to actively, consciously choose what you want your life to look like. So in that case, what will it be? What will your life look like?
It could be excitement...
Knowing that everything is working out perfectly...
Remember, your money and your money situation IS NEVER ABOUT THE MONEY. It's about your beliefs, about what you believe you can and can't have, what you believe you need to do to have money, what you believe you need to be. It's often much easier to figure out what's going on in another area of your life and then see how that applies to money for you.
Also, those suggestions might not appear to be about money at first glance, but they definitely are. How would things be different if you had FUN around money?
How would things be different if some laughter was brought into your life around money?
What about love? Do you love money? Or do you hate it? Do you feel that you can't like or love money because that would turn you into someone greedy?
So what overall theme are you taking on for your life this week and how will that affect things for you with regards to money?
For me, I'm going to have fun and laughter. Let me know what you're going to do. Remember, it's all about the attitude.
I’ve spent almost 2 years now, working on trying to build a business, trying to put myself out there, trying to win people’s trust and make a difference, but I was doing all this, putting all my effort into doing this, on a medium that I basically don’t trust and wondering why things weren’t going as I expected them to.
A few months ago, with all the hoo-haw about privacy and Facebook selling its users details and everything, I deleted the Facebook app from my phone. But, to be honest, if you’re trying to do livestreams, it’s a bloody nuisance not having the app on your phone, so I reinstalled it. Today, I’m scrolling through my homepage and what do I see? An ad for sleep apnoea. I’d been discussing that with John this morning. So Facebook is still listening in to conversations even when I’m not using the app.
I’ve spent 2 years learning how to build a business on Facebook, how to advertise on Facebook, how to best utilise Facebook, how to keep Facebook happy and stay out of Facebook jail, what words to use on Facebook, what words to not use on Facebook. I’ve learned a lot. And I’m not comfortable with any of it. I basically don’t trust Facebook: I don’t trust them to be their word (er, privacy laws), I don’t trust them to protect my information (er, privacy laws), I don’t trust them to do anything other than look after themselves.
Facebook business users were encouraged to have pages, so they could reach their audience easily. Once we all did that, Facebook began charging for posts containing ads. If I put up a post containing no link to my website or anything, each post might reach up to 500 or more people. If the same post has a link in it, the reach might be 9 or 20 people. Next, Facebook encouraged us all to form groups, that way, we can be sure that everyone in the group will have access to our posts. What I’m noticing is that notifications about posts in groups aren’t happening and Facebook are talking about charging people for being in groups.
I’m not against anyone making money but here’s the thing: if I’m going to do business with someone, I want to know that I can trust them and that their values are aligned with mine. I want to know that I can count on that company to act with integrity and in the best interest of its customers. When I deal with Facebook, I’m left feeling that I’m being led a merry dance, sucked into relying on something in order to have a successful business, counting on certain things happening, but all the while, knowing that the ONLY people Facebook are interested in is themselves. They have no interest in anyone other than how much money they can make out of them in the long term. And they constantly break one of my core values: Integrity.
I spent last night going through my “interests” in the advertising section… again, and deleting everything… again, telling them I don’t want to be tracked… again, confirming that I don’t want targeted ads… again. Then this ad about sleep apnoea comes up. Coincidence? Maybe. More than likely it’s a #epicfail on Facebook’s part.
Now, all of this has been gurgling about in the back of my mind while I’ve been trying to build a business on FACEBOOK. What an idiot! Almost every.single.thing I’ve learned about building a business online has been centred around building that business on Facebook. AND I DON’T TRUST THEM. I would not do business with Facebook in the “real” world. I don’t like their ethics or their methods. What was I thinking? And I couldn’t understand why things weren’t working for me online? Really?
I had a conversation about all this with a friend of mine who runs her business pretty much totally from Facebook. Her view is that’s just the way things are; they’re going to listen in, they’re going to track you, they’re going to change the rules to suit themselves. I mean, that’s exactly what they do, right? The question for me is, do I want to be a part of it? Do I want a business that’s based on Facebook? That’s easy to answer: no. Unequivocally, no. When I look at it from a values space, it’s a very easy decision, but I also think it’s an age thing, too. I can only dig myself into a hole with that conversation, so I might just leave it there, lol; it’s definitely an age thing, and I suspect most of my friends – all those ladies of a certain age – will agree with me!
I will SOCIALISE with my friends and family on Facebook, I will keep up with what the Jones’s are doing, I will share stuff with the people I love and care about and I’ll make new connections. But do business with Facebook?
I only do business with people I trust, like and admire.
My gut feeling about this whole thing has been off from the start, but I forced myself on, thinking that I was just unsure about ‘putting myself out there’ and ‘being vulnerable’. That wasn’t the hesitation at all; the hesitation was an unconscious observation that I actually wouldn’t do business with this company. It’s a lesson, and one that maybe we can all look at: if we’re not doing well at something, if it’s a struggle, if we’re unsure or not achieving what we normally would, what else could be going on? Take ourselves out of that scenario and look at it from a different angle, like I did if I thought about doing business in a “normal” way with Facebook.
Life is all about the attitude.
I just went for a massage with an amazing, intuitive lady. Man, it hurt. She suggested that I take a little time out to do NOTHING. Umm, that’s a little outside my field of expertise. Doing things, I’m very good at. Doing NOTHING… Nope. Never done that. I am a serial expert. I’ve never specialised in anything. I’ve tried, oh my word, how I’ve tried. I’ve tried to focus, to be a master of something, to be top of my field in something. I can’t stay interested for long enough. Over my life, I’ve learned how to be a swimming coach, a synchronised swimming judge (and coach), an exceptional cook (thanks to Katrina Ruth for pointing that out because I had no clue even though people have been telling me the same thing for years! I just wasn’t ready to hear it), a pretty awesome mum, a loyal friend, an author, an amazingly perceptive & persistent coach, a manager, a systems expert, an entrepreneur, a successful blogger, a font of diet & fitness knowledge, a dressmaker, a clothes designer, an organisational genius (you should see my pantry!), the list goes on and on. Learning new things is second nature to me; it’s not confronting… well, not much, anyway, and I pick up the new skills very, very quickly because I’ve had so much practise at starting new things.
Am I an expert in starting up an online business? You betcha.
Am I an incredible swimming coach? Definitely. You should see the butterfly of the kids that I’ve taught.
Am I an enticing & clear communicator & writer. I like to think so, yep.
Could I explain to you in great detail how to start a blog? Sure could.
Could I show you how to make your own skincare products & explain about the different skin & body types? Absolutely.
Could I talk to you about health & wellbeing in a way that you’d understand and make you want to change what you eat? Probably (though that’s a tricky one; I could definitely talk to you about diets and stuff, just not so sure whether you’d actually do anything about it!)
Could we have a coaching session where I’d be able to hear EXACTLY what your beliefs and blocks are? I’D LOVE TO! And yes, I’m bloody good at it, it’s one of my Superpowers!
There are a lot of people who get to my age (50-something) who feel that because they haven’t specialised, they can’t create any kind of life for themselves, they can’t go back into the workforce, they can’t really move forward in life; they’re just stuck. And I’m not pointing the finger at anyone or making random remarks here, I’m saying it because that’s where I was, and where I still retreat to, if I’m not careful.
We’re all different. There is definitely a place for the specialists in life, but there’s also a place for us multi-skilled serial experts, too, because, if there’s one thing we do really well, it’s learn FAST. We’re so used to doing new things, we become experts in an unbelievably short space of time.
PLUS, because we’ve done so many things, our experience is much, much wider ranging than any specialists’ would ever be. And we can apply all that knowledge to everything else we do. We can think outside the box because we tend to live outside the box. We’re not used to working within defined parameters because we’re always on the move, doing new things.
So, if you can relate to this, DO NOT DISCOUNT YOURSELF. Your experience is INVALUABLE because it’s so wide-ranging. Now, if that’s the case, if you’re not at the disadvantage that you thought you were, what does that open up for you? If you actually have the perfect experience for any number of things – and we both know that you do – what are you going to do next?
NOTE: I am NOT asking you ‘what are you going to do for the rest of your life’. I’m asking you what you’re going to do NEXT; the immediate future, the next six-twelve months? What new skill are you going to become an expert in next?
That’s the real question to be asking yourself: what next?
Remember: it’s all about the attitude.
PS Don’t forget to tell me what you’d love to do next.
Your job is okay, but you’re left feeling a little ‘meh’ about the way your boss treats their staff.
Your health is okay, but you know you really ought to cut out the chips and the cake and quite possibly all the wine that you seem to go through. And maybe exercise a little more.
Your relationship with your partner is fine, and I don’t mean ‘fine’ in an amazing sense, I mean it’s only ‘fine’.
Your money situation… how’s that going? Do you ‘get by’? ‘Struggle through’? ‘Do your best’?
When things just aren’t quite right, they’re okay but they’re not amazing, it could simply be that you need to reassess and realign. When was the last time, you really, truly sat down and mapped out what you want from your life, what your goals are, what’s on the bucket list, what is a must-do this year? It’s something that we really need to do at least three or four times a year.
Because things change.
Our goals and desires can change in an instant.
Think of it this way: say we’re on a road trip from Paris to Moscow. We set off, knowing that we’re going to Moscow and we need to head east and kind of north. We can do the most detailed plan that we like, but things happen: a bridge breaks, there are roadworks, a river floods, the roads change, we hear about a nice town that’s slightly off our planned route and we want to stop there. We have to keep reassessing our journey constantly, allowing for minor changes all the time. Life & our goals are no different. As different information comes in, we need to make adjustments, change direction slightly, maybe we’ll veer a little off our planned route because some unforeseen opportunity comes up that sounds pretty cool.
When things just don’t fit, it’s a sign that we’re off track. It’s a sign that we need to reassess and realign ourselves. So, whether our life is OKAY, whether it’s FINE, or whether it’s really AWFUL, we need to sit down and write out what we really want and what we believe is stopping us. We need to write out our values, what’s important to us, what we really, truly would like to do/be if there was nothing in our way. We need to write out how we’d feel if we did/were all those things. And reassess our path. Take a look at where we’re heading. And realign as necessary.
That’s your mission for today, if you choose to accept it.
Remember: it’s all about the attitude.
It’s okay to be you.
It really is.
The Universe/God created just one of you, only one in the entire history of the world, just so that it could experience life through your eyes with your experiences. The Universe doesn’t want you to be anything else. It doesn’t want you to improve yourself, it doesn’t want you to be like anyone else. It just wants you to be you. All you. Wholeheartedly, unreservedly you.
What would that be like?
What would it feel like to not second guess yourself, to not wonder whether you’ve got it right? Because you can’t get it wrong if you’re being you. There might be a lesson to learn but there’s nothing inherently WRONG. That’s just YOU being YOU, right? Anytime you give yourself permission to be you, you give the rest of us permission to be ourselves, too. Anytime you fully accept yourself, with all your flaws, all your faults, all your foibles, all of those wonderful things that you do, you allow the rest of us to do the same thing. Anytime you just fully be you, the Universe gets to experience life as it intended. You not only have PERMISSION from the Universe to be yourself, you have a RESPONSIBILITY to be yourself. Not being yourself is denying the Universe the reason that it created you. Thinking there’s something wrong with yourself that you need to fix is telling the Universe that it got things wrong! I’m definitely guilty of that! Feeling like there’s something wrong with me and there are things I need to sort out before I allow other people to really get to know me or before I allow myself to act from a space of trusting myself.
Having said all that, sometimes I wish I would just shut up and stop trying to put the world and everyone in it to rights! But then, if I did that I wouldn’t be being fully me. Because I DO care, I AM committed to having people experience life from a place that’s completely uninhibited in terms of being themselves, and I WANT to be around REAL people. I think that to some extent or another, we all know who everyone else is and we all know when they’re not being fully themselves. If we’re interested in someone it’s because we’re interested in who they really are underneath everything.
Have a think about this: what would your life look like if you were just fully yourself? How would it be different? What would change? Would your experience of life change? How?
Give yourself permission to just be yourself.
I give you my permission to be fully yourself.
You definitely have permission from the Universe.
Let me know what kind of a difference feeling/being this way would make.
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We’re all so busy. We work every hour we can, we run the kids around, we socialise when we can, we go, go, go. Every waking hour seems crammed full of stuff. Having no time to ourselves, being stressed and overworked has become a status symbol in the Western world. How many of us have said “Oh, I’m so busy, I haven’t had time to think!” and felt kind of proud that we feel that way. It’s as though we’re saying “Look at me, I’m so busy. I’m top of the heap for being busy. And that allows me to justify my existence. What about you? Are you that busy? Can you justify yourself as well as I can? Can you be as good at being busy as I am?”
Photograph: courtesy of Kira O'Connor
Let me say right here that I’m not pointing the finger at anyone other than myself on this. This is EXACTLY how my life goes… or how it went, anyway. But if the shoe fits, if you can relate to this…
It feels like a race, a competition to see who can do the most, be the busiest, feel the most stressed. When I was a teenager, if I did before or after school sports (and I did a lot of them), I made my own way there. I had a horse who was stabled 5 miles away. It was up to me to get there; the only time I got a lift was on Christmas Day when there was a lot going on and it was just get to the stable, feed him, muck out and leave. Apart from that, I either caught the bus or walked. There was no option. Nowadays, most of us wouldn’t DREAM of letting our kids do that: it’s not safe, the kids have too much on, it would be too difficult for them, they need the time to do their homework, meet with their friends, etc. So, we finish work (whether that’s paid work or whether we’re stay-at-home parents) and we spend our evenings and weekends running the kids to their activities.
We cram our lives to the BRIM, doing, doing, doing. We don’t allow ourselves any spare time, spare time must be filled with things, we have responsibilities, we must meet them, we must try harder, we must do better, we must do more, we must do what THAT person is doing because they look like they have it so much more together than we do. We do all this stuff and we PRETEND that we’re ENJOYING it, that we’re living FULFILLED lives, that we LOVE what we’re doing, and we make sure that we LOOK as though we’ve got it all under control while we’re doing all this.
Can anyone else relate to this? This is generally how my life looked and, to the outside world, I looked as though I had it all handled, as though I was happy and fulfilled, cool, calm and collected, like the eternally graceful swan.
And I prided myself on having everyone believe that of me, on having everyone think that I was on top of everything… organised… the perfect parent. For others, it’s the perfect employee, the perfect assistant, the perfect lawyer, the perfect businesswoman, the perfect corporate climber.
The thing is, I CAN do all that, I CAN handle it all and make it look easy. A lot of us do, regardless of the field we choose to do that in, but ask anyone who’s created a lifestyle that they TRULY love, one that inspires them and makes them feel great, and they’ll tell you that 90% of the work in getting what you want from life is IN THE MIND. It’s not in what we do, what we have, how many hours we work or who we know. It’s what we think; being aware of what we think and using our thoughts to create what we want.
Think about this: must of us spend all of our lives doing things. We work our entire lives, doing what we believe we need to DO so that we can be a little richer, a little wealthier, have a few more things, feel a little more comfortable. 95% of the world does this…
…and have 5% of the wealth. We’re the ones who wear our “stressed-out-working-all-hours-don’t-have-time-to-do-anything” badges of honour on our sleeves. We’re Human Doings…
Oh my god, I can’t stop laughing! I know what that means, but whenever I think about “doings”, I think of dog poo. One of my aunts used to say she had to go out and clean up the dog’s “doings”. It’s actually quite appropriate in this context, don’t you think?
Getting right back to our serious conversation… The other 5%? The ones who aren’t Human Doings, they focus on the BEING, on the mind. They spend a large portion of their day taking care of their mind, allowing themselves the space to create, to think, to just be.
10 minutes at the start of each day. 10 minutes focusing on your mind, taking care of it, nurturing it, feeding it, loving it, expanding and growing it. 10 minutes every day. That’s all. 10 minutes to BE, to remind yourself that you’re a Human Being not a Human Doing.
How will you spend your 10 minutes?
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I was in a weekend mastermind, listening to a mindset coach, doing the exercises she’d given us, and that comment came out.
“Like, really?” I thought (yes, I do talk like a teenager in the not-so-quiet recesses of my mind… sometimes I do, anyway), “What’s that about?” The trouble was, it really rang true. If I look at everything I’ve done in business or in life in general, I have this underlying belief that I need someone else in order to make it work, the reason being, I’m not good enough. At least, I’m not at EVERYTHING. That’s not a negative belief, it’s a fact. While I’m good at some things and great at others, I’m not good at EVERYTHING, therefore, I MUST need other people to supplement that and make things work, right? It’s LOGICAL. It’s common sense.
It’s simply the truth.
Photograph: courtesy of Kira O'Connor
But this was interesting; I’d only ever looked at this kind of thing as a negative belief that I somehow needed to let go of before, but then I began to get an inkling of the awful truth: that belief actually had a basis in FACT. We are all incapable of doing everything ourselves and also incapable of doing it all well. That’s the way we’re made, it’s necessary and there’s nothing wrong with that but what I’d done was twisted it round and turned it into a PROOF, total evidence of something. And then I’d used it to PROVE my ‘deficiencies’ to myself.
Ooh, this was interesting!
Where else do we do this? I remember when I felt like a complete failure, and this wasn’t all that long ago. I KNEW, I absolutely KNEW that I hadn’t done the right thing by everybody and I’d let myself and my family down. I KNEW that. So, what if that wasn’t just something I made up to beat myself up? What if there was actually a grain of truth in there and I just used something that I knew to be true and turn it into something else? Because if I did that, then that would make things so much harder to let go of because I would know that it really was the truth, right? I wouldn’t be lying, I wouldn’t be misleading myself, I’d be stating the truth: I HADN’T done enough, I WAS letting everyone down and I KNEW IT. Regardless of the reasons, regardless of how understandable it was (and it was), regardless of how much other people thought my feeling that way was completely reasonable, a small part of me KNEW that I could really do something, something more than what I was doing right now, and I just wasn’t doing it because I was allowing myself to wallow in pity/sadness/whatever rather than do what I knew I could do.
Now, I need to say here that I understand that there are times when we NEED to allow ourselves the space to grieve or recover or whatever, I know that. And I needed to give myself the space for a while. And there comes a point when we KNOW we’ve gone through what we need to go through and now it’s time to move on.
But it’s hard. It’s difficult to do that. It takes courage to move out of this comfort zone that we’ve created for ourselves, the comfort zone where we’re protected and supported and understood. It’s safe there.
There’s a difference in our experience; that’s what we need to recognise. Where once we were sad/upset/anxious for a reason, after a while, we’re like that because we’re USED to feeling that way, not because we actually are that way anymore. Then we’ll find ourselves saying things like “I can’t do this by myself” or “I’m letting people down” and there will be a kernel of truth in them, enough for what we say to feel like they are true but there’ll be a feeling in us, at some level, we’ll know that’s not fully true and we’ll know it to be an excuse. And we’ll probably carry on behaving like that for a while – sometimes a long while – until the pain of being that way goads us into action.
Consider this: when we’re feeling this way, the amount of pain we’re in, the amount of discomfort that we feel, is an indication of how far away from our true selves that we are. There are always times in our lives when we’re in pain for whatever reason, but prolonged pain is usually the result of something we’re doing to ourselves. If we’re in pain, it’s an indicator that we’re not doing what our subconscious knows we’re meant to be doing. The more pain, the further away we are from where we’re meant to be.
How much pain are you in right now? Is it enough pain to draw a line in the sand and say “Enough! I am doing this no more”? When will you be in enough pain? The danger zone is when you’re not quite in enough pain to do anything about it, and most of us live our lives like that, we tolerate things, put up with them: the job that’s okay, the pay cheque that gets us by, the relationship that’s not quite right but, you know, it’s good enough. The pain of those things is not quite enough to get us to change anything, so we go through our lives feeling like we’re being ungrateful or unreasonable, and putting up with stuff because it’s not worth doing anything about it.
If we’re not ecstatic, if we’re not leaping out of bed in the mornings, jumping into life like a 4-year old on holiday, we’re not LIVING our lives, we’re existing. And we’ve been taught that’s okay, that’s how life is. What if it’s not? What if we’re meant to live life fully and joyfully?
And by the way, the moment we find ourselves saying “yeah, but how do I live? I’ve got to survive, I’ve got a family to feed, a mortgage to pay, what am I supposed to do about those?” The moment we find ourselves saying those things is the moment we’re continuing to buy into those stories that have a kernel of truth in them. There is always a way. Just because we can’t see it from where we are now, doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
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I was talking to someone yesterday. She'd done a lot of mindset work, read a lots of books, done seminars and programs, but she was stuck in the same place, unable to move forwards, not knowing what the block is that's stopping her from moving forward. She couldn't understand it, why was nothing sinking in? Why was nothing making a difference? She could see that there was SOMETHING going on but she couldn't work out what, and no matter how much gratitude she reminded herself to feel, no matter how many affirmations she said, no matter what good things happened in her life, she still kept falling back into the old patterns, feeling stifled and trapped.
Here's the thing: our minds are like these big empty rooms. Over the years, as we live, as things happen, we gradually fill them up with more and more 'stuff': experiences, both bad and good, emotions, memories, decisions, meanings, understandings, responsibilities, obligations, duties, expectations.
We end up with so much 'stuff' in there, that there's hardly any room left to move. The only pathways through all this 'stuff' are the old, familiar, well-trodden ones, that allow us to squeeze past familiar landmarks, while making us do certain things in certain ways, and reinforcing certain beliefs. Can you see that might be how it happens? It's all very familiar territory and it constantly reinforces that that's the 'way things are'.
We can do as much mindset work as we want, we can read, learn, watch, attend seminars, do everything, but until we get rid of some of the 'stuff' that's already in our minds, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANYTHING NEW TO COME IN, regardless of how much we want to change. We have to get rid of some of the old 'stuff' first.
Does that make sense? Our minds are like huge warehouses that are stuffed FULL, floor to ceiling, with JUNK. And the older we get, the more junk there is in there.
If we want to change things, change our lives, change our beliefs, change our experiences, we have to create the space for something different to occur. Yes, we have to create new pathways, but FIRST we have to clear some of the junk away so there's ROOM to create new pathways. And the best way to create that room is to JOURNAL. To write about it. Not type, not talk, not mull over in meditations, not discuss over coffee with your friends; journal. Personally, my experience is that it's the only way to clean things out; sit down with a pen and paper and get it all out onto the page, and keep going, and going, and going.
I can't remember what the actual scientific facts are, but to our brains, writing is far more powerful than either talking or typing. It's as though writing something down makes our brain feel like it doesn't have to remember something, it doesn't have to keep it in mind anymore, it can forget about it and move on. And the minute it does that, BINGO! We've cleared a little space.
If something keeps coming up for you over and over again, it's because there's something in it that your subconscious wants you to look at. Start writing. Don't judge what you're writing, just write down whatever comes to mind. Clear as much junk as you can.
If we want to change the way things are for ourselves, we need to grab a pen and paper and start writing. Get all of our thoughts out of our head and onto paper so that there's room for new things to go in there, and we can start creating new paths. Until we've cleared out and created some space, we can't create anything new.
If you've already tried this, let me know how you went on and what changed for you. If you haven't done this yet, make a commitment to do it in the comments and tell us when you'll do this, then post and let us know how you go on.
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That sounds like a weird question, but it’s not. Surprisingly, succeeding can be as terrifying as failure, particularly around something like being wealthy, getting rich or having lots of money.
Because going from being a normal, ‘poor’, blue- or white-collar worker to being wealthy will change everything.
It will change everything for you and your life, but it will also change who you are for other people. It will change the way they see you and, quite possibly, it will change their whole attitude towards you.
At least, that’s one of the things you might be scared of. It was one of my blocks: I was afraid of being ostracised from my working-class extended family because I was now one of those rich, fat cats who have made their money on the back of the poor, downtrodden workers.
Today’s exercise: journal about what the downsides of being rich are for you, what are the negatives, what are you scared of?
Please share this with us; you never know who it might help.
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One of the things I love about going on a cruise or to a resort, in fact, going on a holiday of any kind, is doing new things.
So far, I've got a series of acupuncture/reiki sessions booked in to take care of my physical & mental well-being. Over the last week or so, I've had more and more fluid retention. I don't know what's going on there but I want to get it sorted now. This is my treat for me.
Actually, no, I need to reframe that: this is me looking after myself. It's something that I need to do if I'm going to function at the level at which I want to function. It's absolutely necessary.
We don't think of it like that, do we? We tend to think of looking after ourselves as something that's way down the list of priorities; we have much more important things to do, right? And it's not until something goes horribly wrong that we begin to take stock and adjust our thinking & actions to take into account that fact that if we don't look after ourselves physically, mentally & emotionally, pretty soon we're not going to be able to do anything.
This is something that I've always struggled to get my head around, to be honest, but the only analogy that kind of works for me is this: if I had a horse and I didn't feed it properly, I didn't give it any attention, I gave it a massive workout each day, expecting it to do whatever I wanted it to do, I never really brushed it, I ignored any limps or soreness it showed, I kept it going even though I knew it was exhausted... I'd be hauled up for animal cruelty, right?
None of us would have any hesitation at reporting someone for treating an animal like that.
Yet we do it to ourselves all the time.
We don't feed ourselves well. We don't exercise properly. We make ourselves keep going even though we're exhausted. We don't get enough sleep. We force ourselves to do things. We're not kind to ourselves. The list goes on.
So, for me it's rejuvenation time. I'm doing the acupuncture/reiki thing and I've also signed up to do a lot of "adrenaline" activities, which actually might not be the best thing for me from a lot of people's view points but to me, it's expansive. The weather is windy and the boat is rocking away (heaven)...
...ship, sorry, SHIP, not boat! I keep being corrected by slightly offended nautical people.
Ship, boat, whatever.
Anyway, today I'm doing a Virtual Reality game thing and tomorrow I'm doing a segway race & a very long, very high flying fox/zipline. I'm so looking forward to that one: I love ziplines! I'll post photos.
Now, think about this: this post might look as though it has nothing to do with money.
It has EVERYTHING to do with money!
However you are in the rest of your life is how you are in money...
Only magnified 10-fold.
What works for you in life in general, will work for you in money...
Only magnified 10-fold.
For me, I have to stop and take care of my money, and treat it kindly. I also have to be very adventurous and get that adrenaline rush when I do something that pushed my boundaries.
And I have to figure out a way to meld those two things into a cohesive whole. There is a way, it's just a fine line to tread, that's all.
When I bring those two experiences to money, everything flows. That's when I receive easily & effortlessly.
So, take a look at yourself: when is it that you feel like life flows? Can you remember a time when life flowed?
Let me just say something here. Less than two years ago, I simply couldn't imaging being happy, powerful, wealthy or anything ever again despite having done an awful lot of things in the past. Even if you've never done anything to create wealth or do what you want to do in life before, you can start now, it's never too late and it's never too hard, if you want to do it.
So, how can you manage your money & create more income in a way that excites and inspires you?
This is one of the questions that I'm asking myself this week (in between acupuncture sessions, ziplines and segways, lol)
Let me know what yours are.
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It’s that time of the week!
I get a bit bored with routines but we need to put them in place until things become unconscious for us.
We think we live consciously, thinking about what we’re doing and saying, but for the most part, we live totally UNconsciously. Think about when you learned to drive. At first, you had to think about every single thing you had to do: brake, press the clutch, release the clutch, change gears, check your mirrors, look over your shoulders, brake, accelerate, change gears again, it was all so overwhelming & difficult at first. When we’ve been driving for a few years though, we don’t even think about what we’re doing; we change gears without even thinking about it, we indicate automatically, we brake when necessary.
But after we’ve been doing something for a while, the movements and actions that we must do to achieve an outcome become unconscious: we don’t have to think about doing them, we simply do them. That’s why, when we’re trying to do something new, as we are here, we need to do things regularly until we begin to do them automatically, unconsciously. Creating our week is one of those things.
Think about what you want to experience over this coming week more than you think about what you want to do or achieve. Think of it this way: if you were to achieve all of those things on your list, with ease and fun and lightheartedness (or whatever takes your fancy), who will you be being when you did that? Do you understand? Who will that person be who achieved all those things so easily? That is who you want to be this week.
From the being comes the doing which leads to the having. Being always comes first.
So, who are you going to be this week?
I am going to be creative, passionate, purposeful and fun. There’s going to be a lot of love and laughter in my week. My outcome is to get the webinar for my new program written & recorded (that’s a big ask, so I need to get my skates on if I’m going to get that done! I’ll definitely need to be purposeful!) and keep on with the daily content. I’m going to talk to all of the kids at least 3 times and I’m going to have a fabulous birthday (Thursday!). I’m also going to get everything organised so that we have a wonderful holiday in a couple of weeks. And do all the other bits and pieces that come up, but that’s the summary.
Remember, focus on what’s important to you. What’s coming up for me in that list is that I’ve missed off two things: myself and my husband. I’ve covered business & finance (the webinar & content), I’ve covered my family & socialising. But I don’t have anything in there about two very important areas: me and John.
This is really important: make sure that whatever you have down in your creation for the coming week covers everything that’s important to you. For me, I’m going to do something for myself every day and I’ll create a weekend for John to remember 😜
What are you creating? Let me know
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Hi! I’m Karen O’Connor, hormonally-challenged, menopausal writer, blogger, self-confessed sarcasm enthusiast, mother of 4, wife of 30 years, destroyer of souls... no, wait, that's just in the mornings...