I am so triggered right now
This is not funny, I am supposed to be transformed, goddammit. I am not supposed to get jealous and crabby when I see someone doing well for themselves financially.
But I do.
And I am.
Man, it’s annoying when you think you’ve got a grip on things and suddenly the same old stuff floats to the surface and grabs you by the throat again.
Comparison is a B***H. An absolute B***H.
I was feeling quite good about myself and my life, about what I’m doing and creating. And then I saw it: a Facebook post, about a friend who’s doing very well for herself. I saw her about a year ago and she was in a financial pickle, really struggling and didn’t know what she was going to do. On top of that, she’d just found out she was pregnant. Since I last saw her a year ago, she’s earned approximately $1 million. From nothing.
I am so jealous.
I feel so inadequate, and not good enough, and stupid, and lazy, and foolish, and a waste of space, and basically I can’t justify my existence right now because, you know, she’s earned a million dollars and I haven’t earned anywhere close to that.
I’m not looking for support or comfort here, I’m pointing out what we say to ourselves because I’m not the only one who has these little moments of self-flagellation, am I, hmm? This is what goes through our mind on a regular basis, but what we try to do is PRETEND IT’S NOT HAPPENING! “I’m not doing that, that’s so wrong!” we say to ourselves, and we try to shove it under the carpet and ignore it.
GET THAT B***H OUT AND SHINE A LIGHT ON IT!
We can’t gloss over it. Every time we feel like this, there’s an opportunity for us to grow, but only if we experience those feelings FULLY. We’re never going to move beyond it if we don’t own it. This isn’t about judging it, saying it’s right or wrong or how good or bad we are for feeling that way, it’s just about FULLY EXPERIENCING THOSE FEELINGS. Get right into that feeling, observe – don’t judge, and feel how powerful it is, how much power has gone into the way that you’re feeling. And instead of letting it go and releasing it, RECLAIM the power back into yourself WITHOUT all the negativity attached to it and feel that power coming back into yourself.
When we have a strong negative feeling about something, we’re giving away our power. Think about it: when we feel strongly about something in a positive way, we feel really powerful, right? What we’re trying to do here, is reclaim the power that we’re unconsciously giving away in these negative feelings. The more often we do this, the more power we reclaim and the better we feel.
I’m uplevelling on a massive scale right now, I’m being triggered and challenged left, right and centre. Unsurprisingly, I’ve got the worst cold that I’ve had in YEARS. So, I’m going with all of these feelings, I’m welcoming their appearance and I’m reclaiming my power.
Take a look at what triggers you. My jealousy in this case is because I want to be where she is, and I know that I SHOULD be where she is. I could go into blame, I could go into acceptance but I’m going to EXPERIENCE those horrible, nasty, unworthy thoughts in their disgusting depths and then I’m going to reclaim my power from them.
What can you reclaim your power from right now?
Because, remember: it's all about the attitude!
Hi! I’m Karen O’Connor, hormonally-challenged, peri-menopausal writer, blogger, self-confessed sarcasm enthusiast, mother of 4, wife of 30 years, destroyer of souls... no, wait, that's just in the mornings...
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