You are, we all are, connected to our higher selves. You can call it intuition, inner knowing, the universe or god, whatever works. It’s that flow of energy that is found in everything. It’s always there; when you’re in that flow, you know that you are safe and you can do anything at all and it will go as it’s meant to and it will work out perfectly, even if the outcome isn’t quite what you’d expected.
There are no mistakes when you’re in the flow, you can’t do anything wrong.
It’s kind of like being in that make believe world we had as children where we could do anything we set our minds to and nothing could ever go wrong and we were always in control and everything always worked out perfectly even when it didn’t go as we planned.
That’s what being in the flow is like.
We’re meant to live like that; we’re meant to live as powerful beings, but our minds get in the way. Our minds tell us that we’re not connected to everyone else, we’re separate, and other people are dangerous.
Our minds tell us that mistakes are wrong and bad and we need to avoid making them or other people will think we’re really stupid.
Our minds tell us that we have to be better than other people in order to succeed.
We live our lives from a space of what the mind tells us
So we miss what our higher self is trying to tell us; we miss those intuitive nudges that move us in the direction we’re meant to go in even when it seems to be heading in a different way to the one we thought we ought to go. We miss the little synchronicities that are meant to be the road markers for the path that our higher self is trying to guide us along
Because you can bet your bottom dollar that the path our higher self will take us on will be the quickest and most beneficial one for us, in more ways than we can possibly imagine!
Instead, we get little nudges to ‘take the next left turn’ for example, or to call someone we haven’t seen in ages and before we know it, something completely unexpected has happened. It’s like hitting a ladder square in snakes and ladders: we bypass three rows of squares and get catapulted forwards.
Now, can you remember how you feel when that happens in snakes and ladders, when you’re way behind everyone else then you land on a ladder square and all of a sudden, you’re in first place, way AHEAD of everyone else?
You feel amazing: light, happy, gleeful, joyous.
That’s how you’re meant to feel. You’re MEANT to feel happy, joyful, excited, safe, loved ALL THE TIME.
You’re meant to live your life IN THAT FLOW of energy.
But to do that, you have to quieten the mind down to the point where you can hear those intuitive nudges.
That’s not always easy: the mind can be quite vocal about being heard, to say the least.
Doing something physically strenuous will usually get your mind to calm down. Yoga & meditation do the same for some, journaling does it for others. Find a practise that you follow daily to help calm your mind to the point where you can at least HEAR the nudges from your intuition.
And then, FOLLOW those nudges! Now you can hear them, FOLLOW THEM! Don’t ignore them!
When you get one of those nudges, it’s like landing on the ladder square: take advantage of it,
You may end up somewhere completely unexpected and much better than where you’d planned!
Here’s a big tip for you: if you want to work out what’s going on for you, write it down.
You can think and mull it over, analyse it and cogitate about it to your hearts’ content. We’ve done that, we all do that, most of us spend a large portion of our lives doing that. We try to work it out, we try to see what’s underneath, we think and think and think…
And we end up going round and round in circles, getting nowhere.
You know the feeling, right? You think about something, you mull it over, you stew over it a little and you just keep coming back to the same thing, time after time after time. You can’t come to a different conclusion, you can’t see someone else’s viewpoint, you can’t move beyond stuff.
Thinking about it won’t give you the answer.
Imagine it this way (warning: Karen analogy coming up!): our minds are like a huge room. Over time, we’ve put boxes of things into that room, boxes of thoughts, beliefs, ideas, prejudices, experiences, everything that’s ever happened, everything that we’ve ever thought is contained in this room. Now, you can imagine that over time, the room is going to get pretty full of things, right? In fact, by the time we’re in our 40’s & 50’s, unless we’ve done some pretty harsh cleaning out, that room looks like a hoarders’ den; it’s filled from floor to ceiling with junk that we’ve never cleared out or gotten rid of.
When we try to work something out in that kind of mess, we’re in trouble. There’s so much stuff in there that the only place there is to move is this tiny little path that threads between all these boxes. There’s no freedom of movement, we can’t move around, we can only go along this same little narrow path because almost the entire place is full of stuff.
Can you picture that? Can you see how this might happen?
So, before we can see anything clearly, before we can think in a different way, before we can start to look deeper at things or think things through, we have to get rid of some of that junk. We have to clear out some of that stuff that’s in our minds.
We have to declutter our minds.
Because until we do, we’re not going to be able to think about things differently, whether that’s about money or relationships or a business or career, nothing, until we can take a different path to the one we’ve been treading for so long, the one that wends its way through all that junk that our minds are stuffed with right now.
The way to declutter our mind is to get all that junk OUT of our minds and down onto paper.
We need to journal.
Now, I’ve got to say, I was never the worlds’ biggest fan of journaling. One of my coaches bought me a journal many years ago and I sat there with a pen, feeling rather stupid and not one single thing came out for me to write down. Not one. I gave up. It wasn’t until about 10 years later when, on a whim, I bought a book on journaling and then the penny dropped.
It’s all about questions, asking yourself questions. When I ask myself the right questions, a whole deluge of stuff comes out! When I first started journaling and I was trying to get my life back on track less than two years ago, I spent three weeks just writing…
Actually, I gave up on the writing pretty early on because there was just too much to say; I typed it all instead. I wrote close on 50,000 words in that time and I wasn’t a quick typist. I got all this junk out of my head and suddenly, everything looked completely different; I had the room to think about things in a new way.
Now, I’ll spend a few minutes journaling at least morning & night and sometimes during the day, too, particularly if I’m having trouble sleeping or I feel restless, I just start writing until I’m clear.
So, when I put a question up at the end of a post or in a quote or graphic, write the question down in a journal (it doesn’t have to be anything special; a normal notepad will do fine) and write down the answers. Don’t judge yourself, don’t judge what you’re writing, just write and keep writing. See what comes out.
WHY YOU DON’T HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT RIGHT NOW
Have you noticed that wishing for something doesn’t mean you get it? Or that no matter how many affirmations you do, you still don’t get what you want? Or how dreaming about winning the lottery or coming into an unexpected & huge amount of money doesn’t make it happen? And have you ever wondered why?
It’s really simple: you’re not an energetic or vibrational match for what it is you’re wishing for.
That might sound really woo-woo to you but if you can grasp this concept, you’ll understand what it is you need to do to get everything you want. This is quite possibly the most important thing you can do in your life.
I was watching a TV program called “Escape to the Continent” last week about English couples wanting to move to mainland Europe. The TV show asks them what kind of place they want and where and they go and help them find it. This particular couple wanted somewhere in France and a joke was made about how their ultimate dream was to own a French Chateau; wouldn’t that be just amazing?
They were an average income, run-of-the-mill couple from northern England, who’d worked hard and saved up all their lives, they wanted a place with spare rooms or villas that they could maybe rent out in the holiday season and earn a bit of an income from them.
As they’d requested, dreamed of, wished for, one of the places they were taken to look at as a potential purchase was…
A beautiful chateau that had been turned into a 6-bed B&B that gave a nice little income.
What do you think their reaction was?
The husband loved it, the wife was horrified. She could hardly stand to walk around the place because there was the possibility that she might own it. She might dream of it, but when faced with the physical reality of that possibility, it just wasn’t for her. At all. She couldn’t wait to get out of the place.
She wasn’t a vibrational/energetic match for that kind of display of wealth.
Someone I know had built her business to the point where she could afford to fly first class. It had been her dream for years, being able to afford to fly first class meant all sorts of things to her: she’d made it, her money troubles were over, she was successful, whatever else.
She hated every minute of being in first class. She couldn’t settle, she couldn’t sleep, she felt like she was being a nuisance, she felt like she didn’t belong there.
Despite all the dreams & visualising, she simply wasn’t a vibrational/energetic match for being in first class.
What you can receive, what you can have, doesn’t change instantly just because you want it to. I mean, it probably can, but it’s highly unlikely; it’s something we have to work our way up to. It’s like going to the gym; it’s very difficult at first and slowly, we work our way up to a point where we can’t imagine being as unfit as we were when we started. That’s how this works. Just because you can’t do bicep curls with 10kgs on your first day at the gym, doesn’t mean you’re never going to be able to do bicep curls with 10kgs. It’s about practise.
And so is getting wealthy.
The step between living in a semi-detached house in northern England and a chateau in France was too big.
The step being flying economy (coach) and the luxury of first class was too big.
It’s about training and increments. It’s about practise and learning how to do things differently. If you went to the gym and tried to do bicep curls with 10kg weights on your first day, you’d probably strain something, and even if you didn’t, you’d be too sore to lift anything for a good few days, right?
It’s the same with getting the things we want in our lives. I’m talking specifically about money here, but it applies to everything else. It’s the reason why most lottery winners either go broke or they can’t cope with the wealth and their lives break down: they’ve gone in the gym and done 10kg bicep curls on the first day and they can’t cope with it.
Wow, that was a good analogy! Sometimes, I impress myself!
But if you work at it, regularly and diligently, as you would if you were going to the gym, pretty soon, you WILL become a vibrational match, and the things you want WILL come into your life.
And it might not all come at once in every area of your life. I have absolutely no problems walking into a Maserati showroom and checking everything out. I have no problems saying to the sales person, “Don’t bother telling me about the lower prices, I just want top of the range. If I’m going to get a Maserati, I’m going to get the top one.”
I actually did this when my Dad was over a couple of months ago. Our local shopping centre had a Maserati display and my Dad – who’s a motorbike enthusiast – was wow-ing at the cars. I’m not impressed by cars or bikes, so they hold no intimidation for me; I’m just not interested in them. Mainly so Dad could get to look at the cars, I wandered over and started chatting to the sales person about the cars and getting them to show them to me. My Dad didn’t really come along with me, he hung back and checked out everything from a distance: he was intimidated, and they weren’t a vibrational match.
Now, while I can test try very expensive cars with no compunction, I get quite confronted when I go into the likes of Louis Vuitton or Gucci. I’m not a vibrational match with them yet.
I can actually feel that one coming closer, though. It’s an interesting thing to observe, watching your vibration change from where it was to where you want it to be. I can also feel it changing with regards to income. I’ve said before that one of the things that I’ve struggled with is creating income myself. I can get other people to create massive income – John, friends, clients – but creating it myself is an entirely different matter. But I can feel it shifting, I’ve let go of some beliefs (I can’t, I’m not good enough, rich people are not nice, asking for money is somehow rude) and they’re being replaced with “I allow myself to receive” and “I experience abundance for myself, in my own right”. I can feel that change happening.
99% of getting wealthy and staying wealthy – financial independence – is all in the mind. It’s mindset work. It’s not the practical, day-to-day money management stuff, it’s all about how you think and changing that vibrational energy. It’s about working at it constantly, daily, building up that muscle until you’re comfortable with what you want and you’re a vibrational/energetic match for it.
Otherwise, you might get what you ask for and be so confronted/scared by it that you run in the opposite direction; the woman who’d talked about owning the chateau decided not to move to France at all. That would be so sad.
Just keep working at it, daily. And notice the differences. What differences can you feel in what you’re vibrationally aligned to? Has this article lit any lightbulbs for you? Has it given you an A-HA moment? I’d love to hear.
I’m a bit of a daredevil. At least, I don’t think I am, but other people seem to think I am. We had the opportunity on a cruise recently to do “adrenaline” activities on the ship such as flying fox, rock climbing, standing right in the bow of the ship like Kate Winslett in Titanic, and walking the plank (!). To be honest, it was one of the things I was looking forward to the most about the cruise and the absolute first thing I booked us onto.
I say “us”; John wasn’t at all impressed that I’d booked him in for all these sessions, too. He just wanted to chill and relax and not do much.
There was so much that I got out of doing these activities that I probably have a dozen articles that I can write about it!
I’m not physically brave. I am at a distance, it looks like good fun, but when it comes down to the actual moment where I’m required to do it, I stand there, shaking in my boots. Quite literally if it involves heights.
And pretty much every one of these activities involved heights. What was I thinking when I booked myself on for this stuff?
Take Walking The Plank, for example. It starts on deck 15 – the top deck, a good 50m above sea level, and it's as windy as all hell up there. Despite the howling gale whipping around you, threatening to pluck your body from the relative safety of a solid deck under your feet, you then have the opportunity to climb up another couple of metres on to a platform, making your way over two pokey-out bits whilst hanging on for dear life by one arm. Following that little adrenaline rush, you then go for the actual event: you screw up your courage (and maybe your eyes) and you walk away from the dubious security of the tower that you've just climbed, away from the security and safety of deck 15, and out along a plank that’s maybe 20cms (8 inches) wide, out over deck 14, 3 or 4 metres below, possibly waving to the people below, who are watching you and cheering you on, quite obviously ecstatic because it's not them doing it, and then carry on walking along this narrow metal board till you’re out, out, out, beyond the side of the ship. And then, because just walking along the narrow metal plank isn't enough, you get to turn around and lean back, throwing your arms wide, pretending you're not about to poop your pants and trying to look cool for the photos and the audience below.
If you really are cool, and not living in desperate terror of heights, you can look down to the ocean, heaven knows how many metres below.
I didn’t manage to look down. I don’t think I even looked at Deck 14 on the way past; I just kept my eyes on that plank. Then, when the plank ran out, I fixed my sights firmly at the rope that was my only link to life
In these days of regulation, insurance and massive emphasis on safety, there was literally ZERO danger involved. I was held on by two separate ropes and a howling gale accompanied by 10 metre swells couldn’t have shifted me off that plank, which is exactly what it felt like.
But that’s not what the mind thinks. What my mind was telling me in no uncertain terms was that I was in APPALLING danger, I should get the **** down right now and what kind of idiot was I to do this in the first place. I was terrified, and no amount of logical reasoning could do anything about that. I shook my way up that tower and along the plank and carried on shaking for a fair while afterwards. I could have quite happily lay down and kissed the deck when I got down from the tower but I wanted to look at least a little bit cool.
The REALITY was that I was completely safe.
MY reality told me that I was in extreme danger.
Everything that was going through my mind screamed the fact that I was about to die, EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NO WAY THAT I COULD… unless I had a heart attack or something. But that would have been caused by my own fear not an actual danger. There was no danger. My perception told me that there was, the reality is that there wasn’t.
But what about the height? The wind? The rocking of the ship?
They’re all there, they all exist, but did they put me in any danger? No, not in reality. In my mind, oh my god, yes, they did put me in massive danger,
But just because my mind says something is true, doesn’t mean it IS true.
The point I wanted to get across to myself was that just because my mind is SCREAMING something is true, doesn’t mean it actually IS true.
It’s a matter of trust. Did I trust the instructor who’d just shown how easily it could be done? Did I trust the ropes? Did I trust the fact that, let’s be honest, no insurance company would let anyone do anything that would put them in real danger, right?
So, I did it. I walked the plank.
In my life, in all our lives, our minds will try to keep us out of danger, try to keep us safe and secure. Most of the time we listen to that advice and a lot of the time, it’s good advice. But what happens is that the more we listen to our mind, the more power it has over us. When we listen once, the next time it tries to advise us it reminds us about how it kept us safe last time. Until eventually, we listen to only our minds.
Eventually, we believe that what our mind tells us is the absolute and only truth.
And we live our lives according to what our minds tell us. No matter how much proof there is that we’re safe, like with walking that plank, how many people wouldn’t even CONTEMPLATE doing it? I can totally understand why they wouldn’t, by the way; I hate heights. But if we want something different to what we’ve got now, we’re going to have to do something that the mind is really uncomfortable with. And our mind is going to let us know that we’re in mortal danger in no uncertain terms. It’s highly likely that we’re going to have a physical reaction to it, too.
Our minds are designed to keep us safe; they DO keep us safe. But they also keep us locked in one place, somewhere familiar and predictable.
And you know how the saying goes… “If you want something different, you’re going to have to do something different”
If we want our life to be different, we’re not going to be able to do what we’ve done so far, we’re going to have to do & be something different.
And it’s going to be scary.
It’s probably going to be terrifying.
Our mind will scream about how much danger we’re in.
But just remember, we can find the support (groups, programs, books, seminars, etc), we can find the knowledge, we CAN move beyond our fears, we want something different.
And if we want something different, we have to DO something different.
What’s the plank that you’re going to have to walk?
I’ve always felt that I’m much more physically brave than I am mentally; I’ll do this kind of walking-the-plank thing, but I find it much more difficult to be brave in other areas of my life. I’ve helped so many other people create wealth in their lives, including my husband, but I’ve never done it myself FOR myself; I always put someone else in front of me and hide behind them.
This blog thing is just me, I can’t hide. And it’s terrifying. I can tell you right now that I’m walking a plank, 15 decks or more up.
I have support. I have a great mentor, I have great coaches, I have the knowledge, I have the skills to do this. I’m in no real danger.
But all that doesn’t mean that I will do it, though. My mind is screaming that I’m in TERRIBLE danger and that I ought to stop right now and just carry on letting John be the front man while I hide in the background and direct things from there. That’s familiar, it’s comfortable and safe. Where I am right now and what I’m doing is most definitely NOT safe, not to my mind.
But the more I do it, the more familiar it will become and the safer I’ll feel.
The more wealth I create in my own right, the more familiar it will feel and the safer I’ll feel, until I feel comfortable doing it.
But I have to go through the whole terror stage first. It’s a bummer.
So, what’s YOUR plank? What is it that you really want to do but are terrified of doing because you’ve never done it before? Or you’ve done it before and it didn’t go well?
That’s the worst bit for me: trying and “failing”. Especially “failing” publicly. I don’t make mistakes, I FAIL. At least, that’s what my mind tells me, lol. And if I FAIL, that means all sorts of dreadful things, as you can probably imagine.
What about you?
Let me know
You can choose one overall theme that you will experience this week. Just one. One overriding theme that will define your week and that you'll use to describe this week when you look back on it. This is totally true. This is what actually happens, it's just that we don't take the time to CONSCIOUSLY define it, we just kind of mosey along with what's "always" happened and we allow our subconscious to choose for us. But if you want your life to go in a different direction, if you want something different to what you have now, it's time to actively, consciously choose what you want your life to look like. So in that case, what will it be? What will your life look like?
It could be excitement...
Knowing that everything is working out perfectly...
Remember, your money and your money situation IS NEVER ABOUT THE MONEY. It's about your beliefs, about what you believe you can and can't have, what you believe you need to do to have money, what you believe you need to be. It's often much easier to figure out what's going on in another area of your life and then see how that applies to money for you.
Also, those suggestions might not appear to be about money at first glance, but they definitely are. How would things be different if you had FUN around money?
How would things be different if some laughter was brought into your life around money?
What about love? Do you love money? Or do you hate it? Do you feel that you can't like or love money because that would turn you into someone greedy?
So what overall theme are you taking on for your life this week and how will that affect things for you with regards to money?
For me, I'm going to have fun and laughter. Let me know what you're going to do. Remember, it's all about the attitude.
I’ve spent almost 2 years now, working on trying to build a business, trying to put myself out there, trying to win people’s trust and make a difference, but I was doing all this, putting all my effort into doing this, on a medium that I basically don’t trust and wondering why things weren’t going as I expected them to.
A few months ago, with all the hoo-haw about privacy and Facebook selling its users details and everything, I deleted the Facebook app from my phone. But, to be honest, if you’re trying to do livestreams, it’s a bloody nuisance not having the app on your phone, so I reinstalled it. Today, I’m scrolling through my homepage and what do I see? An ad for sleep apnoea. I’d been discussing that with John this morning. So Facebook is still listening in to conversations even when I’m not using the app.
I’ve spent 2 years learning how to build a business on Facebook, how to advertise on Facebook, how to best utilise Facebook, how to keep Facebook happy and stay out of Facebook jail, what words to use on Facebook, what words to not use on Facebook. I’ve learned a lot. And I’m not comfortable with any of it. I basically don’t trust Facebook: I don’t trust them to be their word (er, privacy laws), I don’t trust them to protect my information (er, privacy laws), I don’t trust them to do anything other than look after themselves.
Facebook business users were encouraged to have pages, so they could reach their audience easily. Once we all did that, Facebook began charging for posts containing ads. If I put up a post containing no link to my website or anything, each post might reach up to 500 or more people. If the same post has a link in it, the reach might be 9 or 20 people. Next, Facebook encouraged us all to form groups, that way, we can be sure that everyone in the group will have access to our posts. What I’m noticing is that notifications about posts in groups aren’t happening and Facebook are talking about charging people for being in groups.
I’m not against anyone making money but here’s the thing: if I’m going to do business with someone, I want to know that I can trust them and that their values are aligned with mine. I want to know that I can count on that company to act with integrity and in the best interest of its customers. When I deal with Facebook, I’m left feeling that I’m being led a merry dance, sucked into relying on something in order to have a successful business, counting on certain things happening, but all the while, knowing that the ONLY people Facebook are interested in is themselves. They have no interest in anyone other than how much money they can make out of them in the long term. And they constantly break one of my core values: Integrity.
I spent last night going through my “interests” in the advertising section… again, and deleting everything… again, telling them I don’t want to be tracked… again, confirming that I don’t want targeted ads… again. Then this ad about sleep apnoea comes up. Coincidence? Maybe. More than likely it’s a #epicfail on Facebook’s part.
Now, all of this has been gurgling about in the back of my mind while I’ve been trying to build a business on FACEBOOK. What an idiot! Almost every.single.thing I’ve learned about building a business online has been centred around building that business on Facebook. AND I DON’T TRUST THEM. I would not do business with Facebook in the “real” world. I don’t like their ethics or their methods. What was I thinking? And I couldn’t understand why things weren’t working for me online? Really?
I had a conversation about all this with a friend of mine who runs her business pretty much totally from Facebook. Her view is that’s just the way things are; they’re going to listen in, they’re going to track you, they’re going to change the rules to suit themselves. I mean, that’s exactly what they do, right? The question for me is, do I want to be a part of it? Do I want a business that’s based on Facebook? That’s easy to answer: no. Unequivocally, no. When I look at it from a values space, it’s a very easy decision, but I also think it’s an age thing, too. I can only dig myself into a hole with that conversation, so I might just leave it there, lol; it’s definitely an age thing, and I suspect most of my friends – all those ladies of a certain age – will agree with me!
I will SOCIALISE with my friends and family on Facebook, I will keep up with what the Jones’s are doing, I will share stuff with the people I love and care about and I’ll make new connections. But do business with Facebook?
I only do business with people I trust, like and admire.
My gut feeling about this whole thing has been off from the start, but I forced myself on, thinking that I was just unsure about ‘putting myself out there’ and ‘being vulnerable’. That wasn’t the hesitation at all; the hesitation was an unconscious observation that I actually wouldn’t do business with this company. It’s a lesson, and one that maybe we can all look at: if we’re not doing well at something, if it’s a struggle, if we’re unsure or not achieving what we normally would, what else could be going on? Take ourselves out of that scenario and look at it from a different angle, like I did if I thought about doing business in a “normal” way with Facebook.
Life is all about the attitude.
We can budget, we can manage, we can learn how to make extra money, we can work two, three or four jobs, we can scrimp & scrape, count the pennies, work smarter not harder...
But until we take control of the thoughts that are running around in our heads, we are NEVER going to be wealthy or financially independent. Never.
Getting to financial independence, financial freedom, wealth, rich, living a life of freedom and choice...
...is 90% in our minds. It's literally all about the attitude.
The other 10% is in our daily actions.
Where do you put your focus? Maybe it's time to put the effort elsewhere...
Go to this page on the website and join this Facebook Group if you want to join us in moving ourselves into the 10% that's actually doing the things that need to be done to get wealthy!
It's all about the attitude!
And I can sit here and moan about it all - the hot flushes, the weird rashes, the raging hormones, the sleepless nights - and, trust me, I DO moan about it occasionally, and then I get the giggles about it all. The things that we go through (and that we put ourselves through) are quite hilarious. I don't know about you, but I made such a MEAL out of being middle aged. I was totally stopped. I thought there was nothing else I could do with my life: I was too old, too out of touch, too slow, way past it. There was just no point in trying something else; I'd been out of the workforce for 20 years, there was no way I could get a decent job and I certainly didn't want to redo my professional qualifications. Besides which, I'm basically unemployable: I'd last about 5 minutes in someone else's company before I started taking over, let's face facts.
The thing is, why was I even CONSIDERING working for someone else? I'd had my own businesses, I'd been involved in our developments, I'd done numerous renovations for profit but for some reason, all I could think was that I had to get a job, I had to get back into the workforce. I'd be a TERRIBLE employee, swear to god. The only thing I can put it down to is that my hormones messed with my brain. I don't know whether that's actually true or not but I know for sure that I wasn't making sense.
And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, right? We feel sorry for teenagers going through all their angst, with their raging hormones making their brains fire in inexplicable ways. Well, lookee here... 50 years old and not making a SCRAP of sense.
I had 20 years of crap built up in me. There was so much stuff crammed into my head that there was no room for any new thoughts. Old thoughts, stuff that I'd thought I'd got rid of years before, were reappearing. I was defaulting to the patterns from my childhood: beliefs about scarcity and lack and what was and wasn't possible for me, how I wasn't good enough, smart enough, creative enough... I just wasn't enough. And this is from someone who'd spent a FORTUNE on personal development and business coaching. I'd spent YEARS working with business coaches and I was thinking about LOOKING FOR A JOB! What the hell was that about? What was I even thinking?
Like I said, it's the hormones! And it may or may not be, but no matter where we're at, there's always a way to get back onto a path that feels good and create the things that we really want in our lives: great relationships, great health & fitness, feeling excited about life, bringing to life all the ideas that we've had for businesses or art or charities or education, and knowing that they'll happen just because we decide to make them happen.
Welcome to the hilarious, unbalancing, highly erratic, confronting opportunity that confronts us all when we get to middle age. It's time to recreate things. Because remember, it's all about the attitude.
Hi! And welcome! I'm Karen O'Connor and this is me in the photo on the right: a 50-something, happily married mother-of-four (I'm saying that not just because it's true but also in the hope that it helps stop all the friend requests & messages from weird guys), self-made millionaire, serial entrepreneur, blogger and mindset coach/mentor/expert kind of person who is unable to sit still for five minutes.
I've tried the whole 'focus on one thing and do it really well' numerous times during my life, and I ended up doing it not very well at all, to be honest. It's just so boring, doing one thing! And, besides which, life is NEVER about one thing, is it? I'm a wife, a mother, a friend, an entrepreneur, a property investor, a quantity surveyor, a synchronised swimmer, a bit of a gym junkie, a horse rider who likes to sew and cook and make soaps and skincare. Oh yes, I'm a blogger and writer, too; I forgot about that bit! I've also been a life coach (I hate that term but I can't think of a better one) since 2002. I like to have fun. I like to laugh until I cry. I like to smile. I like to poke fun at things. I like to think I'm funny. I love having friends around for coffee or dinner. I also like to have a LOT of money. I just don't see the point in struggling or limitations around money, it doesn't make sense to me, and I LOVE to see other people get past their money blocks and create the things they want, too. But I also want to share just... stuff, too, the things that interest me, the health tips, the fitness ideas, the recipes, the (sometimes hilarious) results of my attempts at arts, crafts & home making things that I could buy much more easily in the shops, the trials and tribulations of parenthood and the ongoing evolution of our relationships. This is about LIFE, not just one thing; life.
Like a lot of women my age, the vast majority of my life has gone into bringing up the kids and all of the effort, heartache, joy and laughter that entails. I think that when we get to a certain age, we have no one focus, we have multiple interests. We've tried a lot of things over the course of our lives and we're good at any number of things (and we can admit that we're pretty awful at some other things, too!). One thing we're really good at is putting other people first. I don't know about you, but I spent so long putting other people's needs first that I simply forgot how to even consider my own needs. It's been a very painful process remembering how to do that. I spent so long suppressing my own wants and needs that, in the end, I forgot how to say yes to myself; I simply didn't know what it was I wanted. Life wasn't a very pleasant experience for a few years there.
The purpose of this website, blog and all the freebies, programs & resources is to help women who are going through the same things that I went through, that loss of purpose, the feeling of 'what's the point' that seems to pervade our lives at a certain point, that sense of confusion, loss & bewilderment. Picking ourselves up from that can feel overwhelmingly difficult, and I wish I'd known that other women had gone through the same experience and had redefined themselves & their lives, because that was what I really needed. I needed someone to say "Oh my god, I totally get you! This is what happened to me and this is how I moved beyond it". Having gone into the MAWS of life and come out the other side, I can tell you that it's a simple process. It's not always easy, but it is simple.
The thing is, if you're anything like me, you don't have ONE interest, ONE focus, ONE passion (except maybe your partner, but you know what I mean 😜). We are MULTI-talented, MULTI-passionate, MASSIVELY experienced in a MULTITUDE of things, MARVELOUSLY delightful, Mistresses of Attitude, Women of Strength.
So, come and join me! Let's poke some fun at ourselves and the things that are happening to our bodies. Let's chat about the things we've experienced in raising our kids, the changing relationships, the empty nest, how we keep our relationships with our partners alive and happy, how we drive them insane sometimes and vice versa, food, drink (love my wine), health, fitness, mindset and money, our dreams and desires, recreating things for ourselves.
And there lies my true passion and purpose: having people remember that they really can create EVERYTHING that they want. And have fun while they do it. And feel loved, and be filled with & surrounded by laughter.
So come and join me, because life... it's all about the attitude!
PS This website is a definite work in progress. In moving all my stuff off Facebook and onto here, there's a lot of work entailed, linking things up, finding the right resources, putting up blog posts, getting everything organised an looking pretty (ish), so please be patient and come back regularly to check on things. Better still, join one of the mailing lists or sign up for one of the free downloads and I'll update you as things come together.
FOCUSING ON ONE THING PUTS YOU AT A HUGE DISADVANTAGE
I just went for a massage with an amazing, intuitive lady. Man, it hurt. She suggested that I take a little time out to do NOTHING. Umm, that’s a little outside my field of expertise. Doing things, I’m very good at. Doing NOTHING… Nope. Never done that. I am a serial expert. I’ve never specialised in anything. I’ve tried, oh my word, how I’ve tried. I’ve tried to focus, to be a master of something, to be top of my field in something. I can’t stay interested for long enough. Over my life, I’ve learned how to be a swimming coach, a synchronised swimming judge (and coach), an exceptional cook (thanks to Katrina Ruth for pointing that out because I had no clue even though people have been telling me the same thing for years! I just wasn’t ready to hear it), a pretty awesome mum, a loyal friend, an author, an amazingly perceptive & persistent coach, a manager, a systems expert, an entrepreneur, a successful blogger, a font of diet & fitness knowledge, a dressmaker, a clothes designer, an organisational genius (you should see my pantry!), the list goes on and on. Learning new things is second nature to me; it’s not confronting… well, not much, anyway, and I pick up the new skills very, very quickly because I’ve had so much practise at starting new things.
Am I an expert in starting up an online business? You betcha.
Am I an incredible swimming coach? Definitely. You should see the butterfly of the kids that I’ve taught.
Am I an enticing & clear communicator & writer. I like to think so, yep.
Could I explain to you in great detail how to start a blog? Sure could.
Could I show you how to make your own skincare products & explain about the different skin & body types? Absolutely.
Could I talk to you about health & wellbeing in a way that you’d understand and make you want to change what you eat? Probably (though that’s a tricky one; I could definitely talk to you about diets and stuff, just not so sure whether you’d actually do anything about it!)
Could we have a coaching session where I’d be able to hear EXACTLY what your beliefs and blocks are? I’D LOVE TO! And yes, I’m bloody good at it, it’s one of my Superpowers!
There are a lot of people who get to my age (50-something) who feel that because they haven’t specialised, they can’t create any kind of life for themselves, they can’t go back into the workforce, they can’t really move forward in life; they’re just stuck. And I’m not pointing the finger at anyone or making random remarks here, I’m saying it because that’s where I was, and where I still retreat to, if I’m not careful.
We’re all different. There is definitely a place for the specialists in life, but there’s also a place for us multi-skilled serial experts, too, because, if there’s one thing we do really well, it’s learn FAST. We’re so used to doing new things, we become experts in an unbelievably short space of time.
PLUS, because we’ve done so many things, our experience is much, much wider ranging than any specialists’ would ever be. And we can apply all that knowledge to everything else we do. We can think outside the box because we tend to live outside the box. We’re not used to working within defined parameters because we’re always on the move, doing new things.
So, if you can relate to this, DO NOT DISCOUNT YOURSELF. Your experience is INVALUABLE because it’s so wide-ranging. Now, if that’s the case, if you’re not at the disadvantage that you thought you were, what does that open up for you? If you actually have the perfect experience for any number of things – and we both know that you do – what are you going to do next?
NOTE: I am NOT asking you ‘what are you going to do for the rest of your life’. I’m asking you what you’re going to do NEXT; the immediate future, the next six-twelve months? What new skill are you going to become an expert in next?
That’s the real question to be asking yourself: what next?
Remember: it’s all about the attitude.
PS Don’t forget to tell me what you’d love to do next.
Your job is okay, but you’re left feeling a little ‘meh’ about the way your boss treats their staff.
Your health is okay, but you know you really ought to cut out the chips and the cake and quite possibly all the wine that you seem to go through. And maybe exercise a little more.
Your relationship with your partner is fine, and I don’t mean ‘fine’ in an amazing sense, I mean it’s only ‘fine’.
Your money situation… how’s that going? Do you ‘get by’? ‘Struggle through’? ‘Do your best’?
When things just aren’t quite right, they’re okay but they’re not amazing, it could simply be that you need to reassess and realign. When was the last time, you really, truly sat down and mapped out what you want from your life, what your goals are, what’s on the bucket list, what is a must-do this year? It’s something that we really need to do at least three or four times a year.
Because things change.
Our goals and desires can change in an instant.
Think of it this way: say we’re on a road trip from Paris to Moscow. We set off, knowing that we’re going to Moscow and we need to head east and kind of north. We can do the most detailed plan that we like, but things happen: a bridge breaks, there are roadworks, a river floods, the roads change, we hear about a nice town that’s slightly off our planned route and we want to stop there. We have to keep reassessing our journey constantly, allowing for minor changes all the time. Life & our goals are no different. As different information comes in, we need to make adjustments, change direction slightly, maybe we’ll veer a little off our planned route because some unforeseen opportunity comes up that sounds pretty cool.
When things just don’t fit, it’s a sign that we’re off track. It’s a sign that we need to reassess and realign ourselves. So, whether our life is OKAY, whether it’s FINE, or whether it’s really AWFUL, we need to sit down and write out what we really want and what we believe is stopping us. We need to write out our values, what’s important to us, what we really, truly would like to do/be if there was nothing in our way. We need to write out how we’d feel if we did/were all those things. And reassess our path. Take a look at where we’re heading. And realign as necessary.
That’s your mission for today, if you choose to accept it.
Remember: it’s all about the attitude.
I am so triggered right now
This is not funny, I am supposed to be transformed, goddammit. I am not supposed to get jealous and crabby when I see someone doing well for themselves financially.
But I do.
And I am.
Man, it’s annoying when you think you’ve got a grip on things and suddenly the same old stuff floats to the surface and grabs you by the throat again.
Comparison is a B***H. An absolute B***H.
I was feeling quite good about myself and my life, about what I’m doing and creating. And then I saw it: a Facebook post, about a friend who’s doing very well for herself. I saw her about a year ago and she was in a financial pickle, really struggling and didn’t know what she was going to do. On top of that, she’d just found out she was pregnant. Since I last saw her a year ago, she’s earned approximately $1 million. From nothing.
I am so jealous.
I feel so inadequate, and not good enough, and stupid, and lazy, and foolish, and a waste of space, and basically I can’t justify my existence right now because, you know, she’s earned a million dollars and I haven’t earned anywhere close to that.
I’m not looking for support or comfort here, I’m pointing out what we say to ourselves because I’m not the only one who has these little moments of self-flagellation, am I, hmm? This is what goes through our mind on a regular basis, but what we try to do is PRETEND IT’S NOT HAPPENING! “I’m not doing that, that’s so wrong!” we say to ourselves, and we try to shove it under the carpet and ignore it.
GET THAT B***H OUT AND SHINE A LIGHT ON IT!
We can’t gloss over it. Every time we feel like this, there’s an opportunity for us to grow, but only if we experience those feelings FULLY. We’re never going to move beyond it if we don’t own it. This isn’t about judging it, saying it’s right or wrong or how good or bad we are for feeling that way, it’s just about FULLY EXPERIENCING THOSE FEELINGS. Get right into that feeling, observe – don’t judge, and feel how powerful it is, how much power has gone into the way that you’re feeling. And instead of letting it go and releasing it, RECLAIM the power back into yourself WITHOUT all the negativity attached to it and feel that power coming back into yourself.
When we have a strong negative feeling about something, we’re giving away our power. Think about it: when we feel strongly about something in a positive way, we feel really powerful, right? What we’re trying to do here, is reclaim the power that we’re unconsciously giving away in these negative feelings. The more often we do this, the more power we reclaim and the better we feel.
I’m uplevelling on a massive scale right now, I’m being triggered and challenged left, right and centre. Unsurprisingly, I’ve got the worst cold that I’ve had in YEARS. So, I’m going with all of these feelings, I’m welcoming their appearance and I’m reclaiming my power.
Take a look at what triggers you. My jealousy in this case is because I want to be where she is, and I know that I SHOULD be where she is. I could go into blame, I could go into acceptance but I’m going to EXPERIENCE those horrible, nasty, unworthy thoughts in their disgusting depths and then I’m going to reclaim my power from them.
What can you reclaim your power from right now?
Because, remember: it's all about the attitude!
It’s okay to be you.
It really is.
The Universe/God created just one of you, only one in the entire history of the world, just so that it could experience life through your eyes with your experiences. The Universe doesn’t want you to be anything else. It doesn’t want you to improve yourself, it doesn’t want you to be like anyone else. It just wants you to be you. All you. Wholeheartedly, unreservedly you.
What would that be like?
What would it feel like to not second guess yourself, to not wonder whether you’ve got it right? Because you can’t get it wrong if you’re being you. There might be a lesson to learn but there’s nothing inherently WRONG. That’s just YOU being YOU, right? Anytime you give yourself permission to be you, you give the rest of us permission to be ourselves, too. Anytime you fully accept yourself, with all your flaws, all your faults, all your foibles, all of those wonderful things that you do, you allow the rest of us to do the same thing. Anytime you just fully be you, the Universe gets to experience life as it intended. You not only have PERMISSION from the Universe to be yourself, you have a RESPONSIBILITY to be yourself. Not being yourself is denying the Universe the reason that it created you. Thinking there’s something wrong with yourself that you need to fix is telling the Universe that it got things wrong! I’m definitely guilty of that! Feeling like there’s something wrong with me and there are things I need to sort out before I allow other people to really get to know me or before I allow myself to act from a space of trusting myself.
Having said all that, sometimes I wish I would just shut up and stop trying to put the world and everyone in it to rights! But then, if I did that I wouldn’t be being fully me. Because I DO care, I AM committed to having people experience life from a place that’s completely uninhibited in terms of being themselves, and I WANT to be around REAL people. I think that to some extent or another, we all know who everyone else is and we all know when they’re not being fully themselves. If we’re interested in someone it’s because we’re interested in who they really are underneath everything.
Have a think about this: what would your life look like if you were just fully yourself? How would it be different? What would change? Would your experience of life change? How?
Give yourself permission to just be yourself.
I give you my permission to be fully yourself.
You definitely have permission from the Universe.
Let me know what kind of a difference feeling/being this way would make.
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I’ve never been one for feeling sorry for people. I mean, my heart will go out to people, I’ll be sad for them, hurt, feel angry, upset, lost. But I never, ever think of them as a victim. They may have endured some terrible things, had some awful things happen to them, but that does not mean that they’re a VICTIM.
They’re just someone that bad s**t happened to.
It doesn’t mean they’re weak or helpless or not good enough, it just means that some bad s**t happened to them.
It doesn’t mean ANYTHING except that they may need a little support & a little reminding of just who they are and what they’re capable of. It certainly doesn’t mean that they’re a VICTIM.
I get really upset when I see people treating others as victims: “oh you poor thing, they did terrible things to you, let me help you!”
No. NO. Absolutely NOT. “Oh man, that was terrible. How can I support you?” has a completely different feel. One comes from the space of the person is a poor, helpless, VICTIM and the other one comes from a space of they’ve got this handled for the most part, let’s give them a bit of a hand in dealing with it, let them know they’re loved and that whatever happened in no way reflects on who they are at the core of themselves.
I am very, very suspicious of people who run around in life, looking for people to help, supporting the downtrodden & the underdogs, because I suspect that a lot of them get a real kick out of ‘helping’ those ‘victims’. They somehow feel morally righteous because they do all this ‘good’ work and help out those who are weaker than they are.
That’s a gross generalisation, I know that, and I also know there are a lot of people who do a lot of good in that arena, but I suggest that THEY’RE the ones who don’t so much see victims as people who’ve had a run of bad luck.
If we treat someone as a helpless victim, we are telling them that they’re unable to look after themselves and that they need someone more powerful & able to look after them & sort their lives out.
If we treat someone as a human being who’s had some rotten things happen to them, the basic assumption there is that they’re powerful in their own right and they just need some support to remember that fact. It’s completely different.
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We’re all so busy. We work every hour we can, we run the kids around, we socialise when we can, we go, go, go. Every waking hour seems crammed full of stuff. Having no time to ourselves, being stressed and overworked has become a status symbol in the Western world. How many of us have said “Oh, I’m so busy, I haven’t had time to think!” and felt kind of proud that we feel that way. It’s as though we’re saying “Look at me, I’m so busy. I’m top of the heap for being busy. And that allows me to justify my existence. What about you? Are you that busy? Can you justify yourself as well as I can? Can you be as good at being busy as I am?”
Let me say right here that I’m not pointing the finger at anyone other than myself on this. This is EXACTLY how my life goes… or how it went, anyway. But if the shoe fits, if you can relate to this…
It feels like a race, a competition to see who can do the most, be the busiest, feel the most stressed. When I was a teenager, if I did before or after school sports (and I did a lot of them), I made my own way there. I had a horse who was stabled 5 miles away. It was up to me to get there; the only time I got a lift was on Christmas Day when there was a lot going on and it was just get to the stable, feed him, muck out and leave. Apart from that, I either caught the bus or walked. There was no option. Nowadays, most of us wouldn’t DREAM of letting our kids do that: it’s not safe, the kids have too much on, it would be too difficult for them, they need the time to do their homework, meet with their friends, etc. So, we finish work (whether that’s paid work or whether we’re stay-at-home parents) and we spend our evenings and weekends running the kids to their activities.
We cram our lives to the BRIM, doing, doing, doing. We don’t allow ourselves any spare time, spare time must be filled with things, we have responsibilities, we must meet them, we must try harder, we must do better, we must do more, we must do what THAT person is doing because they look like they have it so much more together than we do. We do all this stuff and we PRETEND that we’re ENJOYING it, that we’re living FULFILLED lives, that we LOVE what we’re doing, and we make sure that we LOOK as though we’ve got it all under control while we’re doing all this.
Can anyone else relate to this? This is generally how my life looked and, to the outside world, I looked as though I had it all handled, as though I was happy and fulfilled, cool, calm and collected, like the eternally graceful swan.
And I prided myself on having everyone believe that of me, on having everyone think that I was on top of everything… organised… the perfect parent. For others, it’s the perfect employee, the perfect assistant, the perfect lawyer, the perfect businesswoman, the perfect corporate climber.
The thing is, I CAN do all that, I CAN handle it all and make it look easy. A lot of us do, regardless of the field we choose to do that in, but ask anyone who’s created a lifestyle that they TRULY love, one that inspires them and makes them feel great, and they’ll tell you that 90% of the work in getting what you want from life is IN THE MIND. It’s not in what we do, what we have, how many hours we work or who we know. It’s what we think; being aware of what we think and using our thoughts to create what we want.
Think about this: must of us spend all of our lives doing things. We work our entire lives, doing what we believe we need to DO so that we can be a little richer, a little wealthier, have a few more things, feel a little more comfortable. 95% of the world does this…
…and have 5% of the wealth. We’re the ones who wear our “stressed-out-working-all-hours-don’t-have-time-to-do-anything” badges of honour on our sleeves. We’re Human Doings…
Oh my god, I can’t stop laughing! I know what that means, but whenever I think about “doings”, I think of dog poo. One of my aunts used to say she had to go out and clean up the dog’s “doings”. It’s actually quite appropriate in this context, don’t you think?
Getting right back to our serious conversation… The other 5%? The ones who aren’t Human Doings, they focus on the BEING, on the mind. They spend a large portion of their day taking care of their mind, allowing themselves the space to create, to think, to just be.
10 minutes at the start of each day. 10 minutes focusing on your mind, taking care of it, nurturing it, feeding it, loving it, expanding and growing it. 10 minutes every day. That’s all. 10 minutes to BE, to remind yourself that you’re a Human Being not a Human Doing.
How will you spend your 10 minutes?
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I was in a weekend mastermind, listening to a mindset coach, doing the exercises she’d given us, and that comment came out.
“Like, really?” I thought (yes, I do talk like a teenager in the not-so-quiet recesses of my mind… sometimes I do, anyway), “What’s that about?” The trouble was, it really rang true. If I look at everything I’ve done in business or in life in general, I have this underlying belief that I need someone else in order to make it work, the reason being, I’m not good enough. At least, I’m not at EVERYTHING. That’s not a negative belief, it’s a fact. While I’m good at some things and great at others, I’m not good at EVERYTHING, therefore, I MUST need other people to supplement that and make things work, right? It’s LOGICAL. It’s common sense.
It’s simply the truth.
But this was interesting; I’d only ever looked at this kind of thing as a negative belief that I somehow needed to let go of before, but then I began to get an inkling of the awful truth: that belief actually had a basis in FACT. We are all incapable of doing everything ourselves and also incapable of doing it all well. That’s the way we’re made, it’s necessary and there’s nothing wrong with that but what I’d done was twisted it round and turned it into a PROOF, total evidence of something. And then I’d used it to PROVE my ‘deficiencies’ to myself.
Ooh, this was interesting!
Where else do we do this? I remember when I felt like a complete failure, and this wasn’t all that long ago. I KNEW, I absolutely KNEW that I hadn’t done the right thing by everybody and I’d let myself and my family down. I KNEW that. So, what if that wasn’t just something I made up to beat myself up? What if there was actually a grain of truth in there and I just used something that I knew to be true and turn it into something else? Because if I did that, then that would make things so much harder to let go of because I would know that it really was the truth, right? I wouldn’t be lying, I wouldn’t be misleading myself, I’d be stating the truth: I HADN’T done enough, I WAS letting everyone down and I KNEW IT. Regardless of the reasons, regardless of how understandable it was (and it was), regardless of how much other people thought my feeling that way was completely reasonable, a small part of me KNEW that I could really do something, something more than what I was doing right now, and I just wasn’t doing it because I was allowing myself to wallow in pity/sadness/whatever rather than do what I knew I could do.
Now, I need to say here that I understand that there are times when we NEED to allow ourselves the space to grieve or recover or whatever, I know that. And I needed to give myself the space for a while. And there comes a point when we KNOW we’ve gone through what we need to go through and now it’s time to move on.
But it’s hard. It’s difficult to do that. It takes courage to move out of this comfort zone that we’ve created for ourselves, the comfort zone where we’re protected and supported and understood. It’s safe there.
There’s a difference in our experience; that’s what we need to recognise. Where once we were sad/upset/anxious for a reason, after a while, we’re like that because we’re USED to feeling that way, not because we actually are that way anymore. Then we’ll find ourselves saying things like “I can’t do this by myself” or “I’m letting people down” and there will be a kernel of truth in them, enough for what we say to feel like they are true but there’ll be a feeling in us, at some level, we’ll know that’s not fully true and we’ll know it to be an excuse. And we’ll probably carry on behaving like that for a while – sometimes a long while – until the pain of being that way goads us into action.
Consider this: when we’re feeling this way, the amount of pain we’re in, the amount of discomfort that we feel, is an indication of how far away from our true selves that we are. There are always times in our lives when we’re in pain for whatever reason, but prolonged pain is usually the result of something we’re doing to ourselves. If we’re in pain, it’s an indicator that we’re not doing what our subconscious knows we’re meant to be doing. The more pain, the further away we are from where we’re meant to be.
How much pain are you in right now? Is it enough pain to draw a line in the sand and say “Enough! I am doing this no more”? When will you be in enough pain? The danger zone is when you’re not quite in enough pain to do anything about it, and most of us live our lives like that, we tolerate things, put up with them: the job that’s okay, the pay cheque that gets us by, the relationship that’s not quite right but, you know, it’s good enough. The pain of those things is not quite enough to get us to change anything, so we go through our lives feeling like we’re being ungrateful or unreasonable, and putting up with stuff because it’s not worth doing anything about it.
If we’re not ecstatic, if we’re not leaping out of bed in the mornings, jumping into life like a 4-year old on holiday, we’re not LIVING our lives, we’re existing. And we’ve been taught that’s okay, that’s how life is. What if it’s not? What if we’re meant to live life fully and joyfully?
And by the way, the moment we find ourselves saying “yeah, but how do I live? I’ve got to survive, I’ve got a family to feed, a mortgage to pay, what am I supposed to do about those?” The moment we find ourselves saying those things is the moment we’re continuing to buy into those stories that have a kernel of truth in them. There is always a way. Just because we can’t see it from where we are now, doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
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I was talking to someone yesterday. She'd done a lot of mindset work, read a lots of books, done seminars and programs, but she was stuck in the same place, unable to move forwards, not knowing what the block is that's stopping her from moving forward. She couldn't understand it, why was nothing sinking in? Why was nothing making a difference? She could see that there was SOMETHING going on but she couldn't work out what, and no matter how much gratitude she reminded herself to feel, no matter how many affirmations she said, no matter what good things happened in her life, she still kept falling back into the old patterns, feeling stifled and trapped.
Here's the thing: our minds are like these big empty rooms. Over the years, as we live, as things happen, we gradually fill them up with more and more 'stuff': experiences, both bad and good, emotions, memories, decisions, meanings, understandings, responsibilities, obligations, duties, expectations.
We end up with so much 'stuff' in there, that there's hardly any room left to move. The only pathways through all this 'stuff' are the old, familiar, well-trodden ones, that allow us to squeeze past familiar landmarks, while making us do certain things in certain ways, and reinforcing certain beliefs. Can you see that might be how it happens? It's all very familiar territory and it constantly reinforces that that's the 'way things are'.
We can do as much mindset work as we want, we can read, learn, watch, attend seminars, do everything, but until we get rid of some of the 'stuff' that's already in our minds, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANYTHING NEW TO COME IN, regardless of how much we want to change. We have to get rid of some of the old 'stuff' first.
Does that make sense? Our minds are like huge warehouses that are stuffed FULL, floor to ceiling, with JUNK. And the older we get, the more junk there is in there.
If we want to change things, change our lives, change our beliefs, change our experiences, we have to create the space for something different to occur. Yes, we have to create new pathways, but FIRST we have to clear some of the junk away so there's ROOM to create new pathways. And the best way to create that room is to JOURNAL. To write about it. Not type, not talk, not mull over in meditations, not discuss over coffee with your friends; journal. Personally, my experience is that it's the only way to clean things out; sit down with a pen and paper and get it all out onto the page, and keep going, and going, and going.
I can't remember what the actual scientific facts are, but to our brains, writing is far more powerful than either talking or typing. It's as though writing something down makes our brain feel like it doesn't have to remember something, it doesn't have to keep it in mind anymore, it can forget about it and move on. And the minute it does that, BINGO! We've cleared a little space.
If something keeps coming up for you over and over again, it's because there's something in it that your subconscious wants you to look at. Start writing. Don't judge what you're writing, just write down whatever comes to mind. Clear as much junk as you can.
If we want to change the way things are for ourselves, we need to grab a pen and paper and start writing. Get all of our thoughts out of our head and onto paper so that there's room for new things to go in there, and we can start creating new paths. Until we've cleared out and created some space, we can't create anything new.
If you've already tried this, let me know how you went on and what changed for you. If you haven't done this yet, make a commitment to do it in the comments and tell us when you'll do this, then post and let us know how you go on.
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⭐⭐ 5 SHIFTS TO FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE ⭐⭐
We’ve built this empire, you know? What’s happened, how we’ve done it, is pretty amazing, actually. We’ve gone from living on a single salary from a normal job to.. well, millions of dollars a year, multiple 5-figures per month.
And now, I get to help clients / friends / family do the same.
But the best thing ever, better even than ALL of that? We get to ENJOY OURSELVES while we’re doing it. We get to do things we love doing, making a difference in the world, playing, having fun, spending time with our family, traveling, exploring, learning, growing, knowing that we can do whatever we want to do, when we want to do it AND we can do it in first class style.
Want to move house? We move house.
Want to go on holiday, stay in a suite, fly business class? Yep, do that.
Want to go and explore remote regions of the planet, again in first class style? No problem.
Want to buy Chanel, Prada, Off White (for the kids, of course!), Gucci? Tick.
Want to donate to charity on a BIG scale? Definitely.
Want to send the kids to the best schools & universities? Of course that happens.
And we do all this WHILE doing things we love and enjoying ourselves. And I want to show others how to do it, too.
Click on the link below to register for the FREE webinar on how to make the FIVE SHIFTS TO FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE.
Start the journey today ==>>
*** NOTE: There is an opportunity at the end of the webinar, to get a free 1-on-1 strategy session with me and apply to participate in my 8-week CASHED UP AND HAPPY program that opens on August 15th (you can still have the strategy session even if you don't want to do the program). If you do choose to apply to join the program, as a member of this group, for a limited time only, you will get a 40% DISCOUNT off the full price.
Click on the link below to watch the webinar
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There are two sides to becoming financially independent: the first is the mindset that we have around money, what we think about money and what we believe is and isn't possible with regards to money, and the other side is the more practical money management side of things.
As a welcome gift for all the group members, I've created two downloads to help get you started with both of those things.
For the mindset side of things, there's the
7-DAY POWERFUL FOUNDATIONS CHALLENGE.
You'll get a daily email with exercises, thoughts, tips and tricks to help you uncover what's holding you back and get clear on what it is you want and start you moving there.
If you click on this link, you'll get the challenge delivered straight to your inbox:
Enjoy it and let me know how you go with it!
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I love that quote from Yoda. The kids hated it because I used to pull them up about ‘trying’ all the time.
And still do.
“Well, I tried” or “I gave it my best shot” are just excuses - reasons - to give up. Sometimes, we did try and things didn’t work, but if we truly want something, we keep going.
The minute we stop, we fail.
What I’ve found over the years is that we use ‘try’ as an excuse not to fully commit, to test the waters & see how we go, to not play all out.
If we want to change your future, if we want to create financial independence and financial freedom, regardless of where we are now, we need to COMMIT NOT TRY.
We are going to make mistakes, things aren’t going to go as we expect them to, there will be learning curves, things which seem that we’ve failed. But we haven’t failed until we give up.
Just do it.
What can you do today?
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That sounds like a weird question, but it’s not. Surprisingly, succeeding can be as terrifying as failure, particularly around something like being wealthy, getting rich or having lots of money.
Because going from being a normal, ‘poor’, blue- or white-collar worker to being wealthy will change everything.
It will change everything for you and your life, but it will also change who you are for other people. It will change the way they see you and, quite possibly, it will change their whole attitude towards you.
At least, that’s one of the things you might be scared of. It was one of my blocks: I was afraid of being ostracised from my working-class extended family because I was now one of those rich, fat cats who have made their money on the back of the poor, downtrodden workers.
Today’s exercise: journal about what the downsides of being rich are for you, what are the negatives, what are you scared of?
Please share this with us; you never know who it might help.
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One of the things I love about going on a cruise or to a resort, in fact, going on a holiday of any kind, is doing new things.
So far, I've got a series of acupuncture/reiki sessions booked in to take care of my physical & mental well-being. Over the last week or so, I've had more and more fluid retention. I don't know what's going on there but I want to get it sorted now. This is my treat for me.
Actually, no, I need to reframe that: this is me looking after myself. It's something that I need to do if I'm going to function at the level at which I want to function. It's absolutely necessary.
We don't think of it like that, do we? We tend to think of looking after ourselves as something that's way down the list of priorities; we have much more important things to do, right? And it's not until something goes horribly wrong that we begin to take stock and adjust our thinking & actions to take into account that fact that if we don't look after ourselves physically, mentally & emotionally, pretty soon we're not going to be able to do anything.
This is something that I've always struggled to get my head around, to be honest, but the only analogy that kind of works for me is this: if I had a horse and I didn't feed it properly, I didn't give it any attention, I gave it a massive workout each day, expecting it to do whatever I wanted it to do, I never really brushed it, I ignored any limps or soreness it showed, I kept it going even though I knew it was exhausted... I'd be hauled up for animal cruelty, right?
None of us would have any hesitation at reporting someone for treating an animal like that.
Yet we do it to ourselves all the time.
We don't feed ourselves well. We don't exercise properly. We make ourselves keep going even though we're exhausted. We don't get enough sleep. We force ourselves to do things. We're not kind to ourselves. The list goes on.
So, for me it's rejuvenation time. I'm doing the acupuncture/reiki thing and I've also signed up to do a lot of "adrenaline" activities, which actually might not be the best thing for me from a lot of people's view points but to me, it's expansive. The weather is windy and the boat is rocking away (heaven)...
...ship, sorry, SHIP, not boat! I keep being corrected by slightly offended nautical people.
Ship, boat, whatever.
Anyway, today I'm doing a Virtual Reality game thing and tomorrow I'm doing a segway race & a very long, very high flying fox/zipline. I'm so looking forward to that one: I love ziplines! I'll post photos.
Now, think about this: this post might look as though it has nothing to do with money.
It has EVERYTHING to do with money!
However you are in the rest of your life is how you are in money...
Only magnified 10-fold.
What works for you in life in general, will work for you in money...
Only magnified 10-fold.
For me, I have to stop and take care of my money, and treat it kindly. I also have to be very adventurous and get that adrenaline rush when I do something that pushed my boundaries.
And I have to figure out a way to meld those two things into a cohesive whole. There is a way, it's just a fine line to tread, that's all.
When I bring those two experiences to money, everything flows. That's when I receive easily & effortlessly.
So, take a look at yourself: when is it that you feel like life flows? Can you remember a time when life flowed?
Let me just say something here. Less than two years ago, I simply couldn't imaging being happy, powerful, wealthy or anything ever again despite having done an awful lot of things in the past. Even if you've never done anything to create wealth or do what you want to do in life before, you can start now, it's never too late and it's never too hard, if you want to do it.
So, how can you manage your money & create more income in a way that excites and inspires you?
This is one of the questions that I'm asking myself this week (in between acupuncture sessions, ziplines and segways, lol)
Let me know what yours are.
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Photograph: courtesy of Kira O'Connor
I’m going to go off on a bit of a seemingly random topic here, but it’s absolutely integral to what we talk about in here. Let me ask you something: what do you give yourself permission for?
What do you give yourself permission to do?
What do you give yourself permission to feel?
What do you give yourself permission to have?
What do you give yourself permission to be?
Because until you give yourself permission to be, do or have anything, no matter how much you work towards it, dream about it or wish for it, you’re never going to get it.
I’m getting antsy with myself at the moment because I haven’t finished something off. I’ve been procrastinating and putting it off and generally coming up with both amazing and not-so-amazing excuses for not doing it.
Now we’re getting to the pointy end of things and if I don’t get this stuff done, it’s actually not going to happen at all. There’s a set date for this and that final date is final and getting very, very close.
I sat my bum down in the chair this morning and COMMITTED to doing nothing else apart from my journaling until I’d completed that task. But what was on my mind was, I’ve got my group to take care of, I’ve got to put stuff up on my page, I have to answer people on FB, check the comments, respond to emails…
In other words, what was getting in my way this morning was that I had responsibilities. As a SAHM, I’ve spent years getting all the housework done and looking after everyone else BEFORE I did anything for myself. Most parents are like this, male and female: family comes before everything. And we get used to doing that and we feel guilty when we do things for ourselves – or do something that we want to do, particularly if we’re going to ENJOY doing it – while we still have responsibilities & obligations to take care of.
For a very long time, I found it pretty much impossible to do anything I enjoyed doing or that made me feel good, until I’d finished absolutely everything else that I had to do or might have to do in the near future.
Can anyone else relate to this?
It was interesting, though, that I’d encourage my husband to go out on a bushwalk every morning because I knew how productive, powerful and creative he was when he got back. Most of the time, he’d go out for a walk and he’d pretty much finished his days’ work by the time he got home!
I knew that. I encouraged him to do that. I could see the results he had from doing that.
But I’d never allow myself to do it. I’d never give myself permission to look after myself, to do things for myself.
I was only allowed to do what I wanted to do AFTER I’d finished everything else. I couldn’t possibly spend any time enjoying myself if there was work to do.
Getting back to this morning, I realised I was doing the same thing in a slightly sneakier way. Instead of housework as being the thing that got in the way of enjoying myself, it’s writing and getting involved in the group.
And the thing is, I love writing, I love this group, I’m having an absolute blast sharing all of the things I’ve learned and watching others apply it in their lives and make a difference for themselves, but my old ways of being were beginning to turn it into an obligation/responsibility because I couldn’t possibly be doing something JUST BECAUSE I ENJOY DOING IT.
My familiar ways of being couldn’t accept the fact that I could do something just because I enjoyed it, it just wouldn’t be right. Can you see that? Can you relate to it and see something of yourself in it?
I hadn’t given myself permission to do two things. The first is doing something purely because I enjoy it.
The second – you’ll like this – is finishing something that will result in financial success in my own right. I’m very good at creating success through others. Everyone I’ve ever coached on a personal basis has made massive changes in their lives, my husband John is right at the top of that list. But I’ve never given myself permission to do the same thing.
I suspect that a lot of women in particular are like that: we prefer to hang in the background and let others take the glory. There are men like that, but it seems to be more prevalent in women. That’s a vast generalisation and a personal opinion, by the way, I could be horribly wrong. Maybe it’s just the women I meet and, life being a mirror, they’re all a reflection of me, lol!
So, I sat down and I journaled, I gave myself permission:
I give myself permission to do what is most important to me, regardless of what I perceive to be my obligations.
I give myself permission to do something that I want to do, regardless of what I think other people think.
I give myself permission to do things that will make me feel good.
I give myself permission to succeed.
I give myself permission to be wealthy in my own right.
I give myself permission to be vulnerable.
I give myself permission to be powerful.
I give myself permission to be happy.
I give myself permission to live life on my terms.
I am enough.
What I do is enough.
What have you not given yourself permission for and what do you now give yourself permission for? If you’ve been wishing for something or chasing it and it hasn’t happened, what is there that you don’t have permission to do/be/have? Has it ever occurred to you that you might be waiting for permission? If you are, who are you waiting for permission from?
Let me know,
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We all dream of winning the lottery or waking up one morning and finding $10m in our bank account or something because if that happened, we'd be happy right?
But what goes through your mind when you receive money now? What do you say when you look at your pay cheque?
Do you jump for joy?
Do you feel incredibly grateful that you've received that money?
Do you feel so happy that the money is in your account?
Or do you say something like "Oh my god, I can't believe there's so little, it's just not enough."
Or "What am I going to do? This won't pay the bills."
Or "Oh, this is a disaster, I can't cope with this any more."
Remember, the more energy you put into something, the more of that thing you get.
Are you happy when you receive money?
What do you say to yourself? Let me know
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It’s that time of the week!
I get a bit bored with routines but we need to put them in place until things become unconscious for us.
We think we live consciously, thinking about what we’re doing and saying, but for the most part, we live totally UNconsciously. Think about when you learned to drive. At first, you had to think about every single thing you had to do: brake, press the clutch, release the clutch, change gears, check your mirrors, look over your shoulders, brake, accelerate, change gears again, it was all so overwhelming & difficult at first. When we’ve been driving for a few years though, we don’t even think about what we’re doing; we change gears without even thinking about it, we indicate automatically, we brake when necessary.
But after we’ve been doing something for a while, the movements and actions that we must do to achieve an outcome become unconscious: we don’t have to think about doing them, we simply do them. That’s why, when we’re trying to do something new, as we are here, we need to do things regularly until we begin to do them automatically, unconsciously. Creating our week is one of those things.
Think about what you want to experience over this coming week more than you think about what you want to do or achieve. Think of it this way: if you were to achieve all of those things on your list, with ease and fun and lightheartedness (or whatever takes your fancy), who will you be being when you did that? Do you understand? Who will that person be who achieved all those things so easily? That is who you want to be this week.
From the being comes the doing which leads to the having. Being always comes first.
So, who are you going to be this week?
I am going to be creative, passionate, purposeful and fun. There’s going to be a lot of love and laughter in my week. My outcome is to get the webinar for my new program written & recorded (that’s a big ask, so I need to get my skates on if I’m going to get that done! I’ll definitely need to be purposeful!) and keep on with the daily content. I’m going to talk to all of the kids at least 3 times and I’m going to have a fabulous birthday (Thursday!). I’m also going to get everything organised so that we have a wonderful holiday in a couple of weeks. And do all the other bits and pieces that come up, but that’s the summary.
Remember, focus on what’s important to you. What’s coming up for me in that list is that I’ve missed off two things: myself and my husband. I’ve covered business & finance (the webinar & content), I’ve covered my family & socialising. But I don’t have anything in there about two very important areas: me and John.
This is really important: make sure that whatever you have down in your creation for the coming week covers everything that’s important to you. For me, I’m going to do something for myself every day and I’ll create a weekend for John to remember 😜
What are you creating? Let me know
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Hi! I’m Karen O’Connor, hormonally-challenged, peri-menopausal writer, blogger, self-confessed sarcasm enthusiast, mother of 4, wife of 30 years, destroyer of souls... no, wait, that's just in the mornings...