Honestly, doing all this writing and blogging, sometimes I wonder what other people think and whether they’re really taking it as I meant it.
A case in point: this morning I received one of those bulk messages that do the rounds of FB, you know the ones “PASS THIS ONTO ALL OF YOUR CONTACTS”, that kind of thing. The interesting thing was, last night I received the same message from another friend accompanied by a legitimate message from the British Heart Foundation saying the first message was bogus and not to pay any attention to it, so I forwarded the heart foundation message on.
Then I thought, I hope the person doesn’t think I’m being rude, maybe I ought to write a little note explaining how I received the same thing last night. So I did that.
A short conversation ensued with me trying to ensure the other person wasn’t offended or left feeling stupid and then I said “I’ve stopped sending this kind of stuff because I don’t like embarrassing myself”.
I’m absolutely certain I left the other person feeling exactly that way – embarrassed - just because I said that.
<bangs head on desk>
It is NOT what I meant.
I’ve done a lot of this transformational work, courses, seminars, journalling, clubs, tribes, whatever. I’ve been teaching how to get rid of all that crap and create & live a life you love for almost as long.
Yes, you CAN have a life you love,
Yes, you CAN have whatever you want,
Yes, you CAN BE whoever you want to be,
Yes, you CAN make a difference in the world
And NO, it’s not going to be all roses and sunshine and butterflies.
I hate to break the news to you
But defining the life that you actually want to have,
the one that inspires and excites you,
the one that fills you with joy,
IS THE EASY BIT!
As a mother of four, I get to repeat myself.
Children (and adults) tend to make the same mistakes over and over again till they learn whatever lesson it is they need to learn. This apology conversation is one I’ve had on numerous occasions, sometimes even screaming it at the top of my voice to try to make myself heard.
I’m not sure screaming it was any more effective but it released some of my pent-up frustration, lol. The child in question probably switched off completely, mind!
An apology in and of itself is WORTHLESS.
A SINCERE apology is positively nauseating.
And don’t even bother talking about how bad you feel or how sorry you are that you made me feel bad.
Apologies are worth NOTHING.
Consider this: you’re a teenager and your mother is yelling at you for something that you did, or didn’t, do. We’ve all been in that situation and it tends to make us more stubborn and more insistent on defending ourselves, particularly if we already know we shouldn’t have done what we did. The fact that we know that we were in the wrong only makes the shouting worse.
Then there are the times when your parents just went on and on at you about studying and applying yourself to whatever it is you’re doing and trying your hardest.
Or the simple “You need to clean your room” that can send a teenager into apoplectic fits!
Dealing with broken promises
I came across a situation at the end of last week with regards to something that happened at school…
… let me just say, I find it very difficult to tell a story WITHOUT putting in all the details! I’m going to try to be circumspect but I may fail miserably J. I have no real interest in being circumspect so I’m not likely to be any good at it!
Anyway, something had been promised and it wasn’t being given. There were all sorts of reasons and excuses but Kira was left feeling like what she’d done – and she’d put herself out a lot to make things easier on others – wasn’t being recognised or acknowledged.
I try very hard to hear what is ACTUALLY going on and not get involved in the story behind it. I’ve put a lot of effort into training my children to tell me the “what’s so”, the facts, and not give me a long, detailed story about how people felt or what they thought.
We make all that up and it just clouds the situation.
When you listen to all the “I felt…”, “he thought…” kind of things, it’s near impossible to take action from an objective perspective.
The world is a mirror…
Who you are creates the space for others to step into.
Another way of saying it is the world is a reflection of you.
Who you are being - the mood you are in, your expectations of the situation, your energy - dictate not just how you behave but also how the other person behaves.
We all REACT to each other. If we believe someone doesn’t like us, thinks badly of us or is suspicious of us, we act differently to if we believe someone likes us.
If you say something to someone and they start yelling at you, your reaction will be different to if they’d listened to you and agreed with you.
We’ve all walked away from situations where we’ve said to ourselves “I really didn’t handle that well”.